Saturday, December 29, 2012

Forgive and Forget...I don't think so!

Definition of FORGIVE
transitive verb
a : to give up resentment of or claim to requital for <forgive an insult>
b : to grant relief from payment of <forgive a debt>
: to cease to feel resentment against (an offender) : pardon <forgive one's enemies>

Definition of FORGET
transitive verb
a : to lose the remembrance of : be unable to think of or recall <I forget his name>
b obsolete : to cease from doing
: to treat with inattention or disregard <forgot their old friends>
a : to disregard intentionally : overlook —usually used in the imperative <I shouldn't have said that, so just forget it>
b : to give up hope for or expectation of —usually used in the imperative <as for prompt service, forget it>
intransitive verb
1: to cease remembering or noticing <forgive and forget>

I hear so many people say “forgive”.  I have thoroughly searched both definitions and can find no points where they are synonymous.  They are not listed as synonyms in any thesaurus I’ve seen.  They were not listed as synonyms in the definitions I lifted from Merriam-Webster online above.  (see I credited the source!)

Forgive this or that person for what they have said or done.  Oh, but I have.  I truly have forgiven the face slapping insult they gave me last week.  I forgave the face slapping insult from the weeks before, the months and years before.  The crushing emotional blows, the verbal abuse heaped upon me, the many new ways of hurting me through hurting my son.  I have forgiven those insults and don’t let anger fester.  I have taught him to forgive it.  Everyone deserves forgiveness.  I have screwed up soooo many times.  I need forgiveness for slights, mean words, harsh criticisms.  I do apologize and I am really trying to be less brutal.  I have to forgive myself and I find that really hard to do especially when my failings are so many.  My bone of contention is with the other word.  That little hang up is in the yellow highlighted area.  Forget.

Forgive and forget are NOT the same, nor are they inclusive.  If I were to ignore a sign warning me to stay on the path or something might attack me and severely wound me, I could forgive the thing that attacked me and left me bleeding emotionally or physically…but never forget the warning again to stay on the path. If I forgot that I would be addlebrained, a masochist or both.
When I forgive someone for insulting me or hurting me I feel they should have the good graces not to openly seek to hurt me again.  I will very likely forget that a person ever hurt me if it happens once and never or rarely again.  I know best friends and I have hurt each other over the years. I remember we argued but not really about what.  A few of us had a nasty falling out about things that were completely misconstrued.  We lost years over it but forgave each other.  I remember the pain of separation from them but feel happiness when we talk.   We all said our “I’m sorry’s “, the thing was, we said them AND we meant them. 

The people I am having a hard time with now haven’t stopped hurting me.  They do it every time we meet up, and most of the time when we talk on the phone. They also hurt my son when we meet up.  I lost it with them over this.  I challenged their treatment of my was met with gales of laughter!  My son knows that I won’t fault him if he is less than respectful to them despite their age.  I have in fact stood up to these people numerous times through many years.  The sad fact is they just don’t care and take it as one more opportunity to slap me with an insult in the form of bringing it up all the time, laugh about it, make fun of me,  and take it totally out of context.  They refuse to take any responsibility at all for being just plain mean, vile and rotten to others. 

I forgive each little insult, I forgive every harsh word.  I just won’t forget.  I refuse to sell myself or my son out and let myself forget that these people hurt others constantly.  I have let my guard drop they did it again and I was doubly crushed.  Remembering that people who are supposed to love and support you are mental sadists can help in the long run.  I have chosen to remember that they are self centered jerks, this is their nature, I am less hurt by the slights and nasty comments.   I am choosing by forgiving them, but not seeing them often, to preserve my sanity.  I won’t carry the hate or the pain.  I am also teaching my son that he has worth.  I tell him to stick up for himself if we aren’t around and he happens to be alone.  Being firm is not the same as being rude.   Oddly enough when he sticks up for himself I get to hear threats being made.  I smile when I hear him say “fine take it back”.  He isn’t buying in to the trash they are selling. 

Some things are not worth items or cash, things like dignity and self respect.  I’ve noticed the people who preach and scream “forgive and forget…oh you can’t carry that burden” are the ones least qualified to comment on my state of forgiveness toward these people.  They have allowed these people to walk on them for years and still allow these people to treat them with disdain or disrespect and weather each new hurt with a smile.  They do it for things like gifts and money, loan’s they’ve asked for and can’t pay back, etc.  I simply am choosing to not be hurt.  It has nothing to do with forgiving at all but everything to do with forgetting and the choice not to. 

The next time someone tells you to “forgive and forget” just smile and live your life.

(oh and before anyone says it; The phrase "forgive and forget" is not found in the Bible. We are told to forgive, but never to forget.)

Friday, December 28, 2012

Happy New Year

It’s been days since I bored you all with my ramblings!

I have missed yet another end of the world.  Darn I guess that means I still have to pay bills.  L

Christmas came and went.  I got the coolest record player.  Yes!  A real record player!!  I can’t wait to find more records to play.  Janis sounds amazing!  I got other nifty stuff too, but the record player is super cool. 

We had turkey but worked on convincing our cat it was goose.  He really was excited not long ago when our town declared open season on geese.  The polluted the crap (literally) out of our town’s lakes making them unusable due to high ecoli counts.  The beaches are always covered in goose poop.  I love watching geese in flight, but sitting on a beach in goose poop is gross. 

My poor cat is still sneezing, allergies.  I am hopeful that this winter there will be a hard enough freeze to kill whatever bothers his poor nose.  It could also just be that his immune system is bothered by the lymphoma the poor dear has been battling the past several years. 

I missed seeing my family this year, but life gets in the way.  Life got in the way; it sort of ran over us like a steam roller actually.  We will regroup because it’s what we do. 

I hope all of you have a very happy New Year.  I hear that Ryan Seacrest is hosting the Rockin New Year thing…wth?  Really?  They couldn’t get someone with a bit more street cred like oh….a Kardashian (darn end of the world!  I was counting on that!!) Seriously, how about some hunky hot actor?  Mario Lopez?  Ryan Seacrest really??  I mean he is ok…but I’m sure someone with more stage presence was available.  Unless Dick Clark bit him before he passed away thus granting him immortality similar to Ted McGinley.  Hey!!  Ted McGinley would have been awesome on the Rockin Eve Special.  

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Insomnia bites again

I am totally losing my mind, it seems, from the insomnia.  It could also be the sneezing kitty who NEEDS the electric blanket, or possibly the incessant whining, sassing, fibbing, yelling and general disagreeableness of my normally polite compliant son.
I have counted sheep, the sheep have counted me.  We are at an impasse it appears.  I was fairly convinced there eas only one of me until Alejandro started presenting evidence to the contrary.  Now I'm just not sure how many of me there are. 
I should have realized I needed a sleep intervention when the sheep wore leotards or tutu's and started dancing to various ABBA and Beach Boys songs.  When Alejandro grabbed the mic and did a duet to Endless Love with Flossie, it was magical and I fell under the spell of the singing, dancing sheep.
Hmmm this does not bode well for me I fear.  My mental health must surely be suffering.  I am now convinced I desperately need sleep and also to reason less frequently with sheep who talk.........good night blog world.

Monday, December 10, 2012

Northern Lies

I see the sign's every where

All you can eat fish
Fish fry Friday night
All you can eat fish fry
All you can eat fried fish

They lure in once......just once.  I tried some "all you can eat fish".  I optimistically ordered it fried with hush puppies, "what? No hush-puppies?  ok...cheese grits.  what?  no cheese grits? french fries will be fine".  I didn't ask the type of fish because in the south there is only one type of fish that routinely appears on all you can eat fried fish signs.  Catfish.

I took one bite of what looked like a beer battery thing with not a speck of cornmeal on it.  It tasted like sweaty underwear smells in the locker room in the summertime in the south in an un-air-conditioned 1930's era shellacked floor gym.  It was NOT Catfish!  I have no idea what that horrible fish was.  I took a drink of my coke...assuming that once the shock wore of the fish would surely taste better.  I took another bite.  Nope!  Still tasted like dirty underwear.  I ate my fries and my salad.  I looked around me and saw gobs of the stuff all over other tables.  People were eating it like It was going out of style.  My one hope is that they eat it all and I never have to be threatened by it again.   

I decided to give walleye a try.  That tasted like the shellac from the floor of the 1930's era un-air-conditioned gym, home of the dirty drawers.  I happily cooked the rest of the walleye for the guys but refused to partake of anymore.  Eating fish that tastes like something other than sea or mud just isn't right.  Oh unless it's anchovies or sardines!  Those are great. 

I can not understand how people like the taste of either of those fish.  I would guess they probably think the same about the most wonderful tasting fish God ever created...the Catfish of course.  They probably think raw oysters are gross too along with my lovely anchovies and sardines.  

I guess the sign wasn't really a really was all I could eat.  I just happened to only be able to eat half a piece.  

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Lion's peanut butter....

Here I sat calmly paying bills.  My desk, paperwork and peanut butter were soon all confiscated by this very scary lion!  I was powerless to defend myself as he overtook my work and lunch.  After the very scary lion finished with my doomed lunch he curled up on my lap and slept it off.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Doomed like Cassandra?

Sometimes I feel like Cassandra.  I have the best of intentions but no matter how hard I try, what I say, what I do or one listens to warnings and advice.

Ok, so sometimes the advice is unsolicited buttinsky stuff...but generally it's advice asked for but totally unheeded.  It can get frustrating to be asked "what do you think I should do", "why do you think this keeps happening", "what would you do"  etc.....I give my advice but nothing changes.  I still keep getting the same questions from the same people with the same circular logic pattern where they ask, I answer, then they make excuses why they don't think it will work, or they make excuses for a person they know, or the way they do this

but, but, but

I have come to realize that the people don't really care what my advice is, they really just want to unload about the same thing repeatedly, do nothing to change the situation, and repeat...
I will continue to play Cassandra because I am unable to stop myself from buying a ticket into the crazy show, I will continue to give advice, because...oh this doesn't look very good for my own logic and advice taking does it?

Oh well!

Complicated Lives........40???? (can't remember the number)

Mother and I are going on a shopping trip!

Growing up in the south...(anywhere really) in high school we all knew at least one girl who had "had an accident", "had a bun in the oven", "got knocked up",  "got pregnant"

We said or thought at least one of a few things "well at least she has good family supporting her", "oh that poor unfortunate girl", "what a trashy girl", "what a slut", "I'm surprised it took this long", "who would do her?", "I wonder who the father is?", "I wonder if she knows who the father is?", "for the baby's sake I hope she gives it up for adoption", "I hope it isn't born with the family affliction"......I blame lip gloss (if you have kept up with complicated lives you know I was denied lip gloss and the chance to be trashy too)

Most of the girls had their babies, some were ashamed, some weren't.  For many of the girls this was just the way it was, their own Mom's got pregnant in school too;  many of them didn't finish school.  Time was at least gracious enough to these girls to bring us the 80's where teen pregnancy was more accepted.  They finished schools amid the stares of classmates, judgmental clucks, and arms of friends who supported them too.  I knew a lot of girls who got pregnant in high school, carried their baby to term, took care of said baby when not in school (or dating the father or other guys) then graduated.  Some of them even went on to college, finished with a degree and set perfect examples of responsibility.

then we had.......the shopper....

I was not in the main gossip circles, so I was unaware this was going on until after I left the shelter of my small, lip gloss wearing, pregnant town..

This girl went on a "shopping trip"  or a "skiing trip" at least once per year for many years.  I believe my friend Gizzard said, starting in Jr. High!  I remember the "shopping/skiing trips" were at irregular times and based around the seasons.  I remember not seeing her for a few days at school then she would return.  Of course I was a land dweller (unpopular) and not in her stratosphere (super popular and loose) so I was just in awe of her glorious celestial sphere wondering how her lips were so glossy.  Apparently from polishing chrome and other things several times per year!  Seriously!!

When I finally found out, I heard it in the clucking tones of "poor Billie Bowlegs, can't have babies" (gizzard)..." that's so sad. why?" said the vacant I.  "all those shopping and skiing trips she went on" (g)   "shopping and skiing can't make you sterile" (me) "she wasn't really shopping or skiing" (g) "what was she....OH MY!! you mean she was?" (me) "yes" (g) "wow, was it all the same guy?" (me) "NO" (g)

Apparently after multiple abortions people can't readily conceive.  Not to be rude, but maybe she should have kept one, or maybe her Mother should have bought her some condoms instead of lip gloss.  It's not my place to judge, but my son already knows to go into a sexy situation armed with the trojan man.  Always, always be prepared and take care of your mistakes by making them right.  Who would have ever thought that she would envy some of the tragic girls not in her stratosphere.  She became a teacher.