Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Satan’s Refrigerator

Satan made a refrigerator, and it’s in my house.  It seemed innocent enough.  The demo model stood there in a Sears store in Yuba City, CA.  A white side by side, reasonably priced, ice and water through the door, spill resistant glass shelves, deli drawer, large in size at a good price.  It arrived and we were delighted.  We were only in CA for a year, so It’s hard to recall very many issues with it there.  Satan may have in fact made the stove in that house then used the oven as his primary tool of evil to infect the fridge, they stood sort of across from one another.  

The oven used to make this horrible hacking noise when turned on.  Neither my husband nor I were avid gas range users, I spent most of my life around electric ranges.  We had no idea that it wasn’t normal for a gas oven to make this rattling strange guttural metallic noise when starting.  We were told it was one of the new never go out pilot light thingies.  The home inspector checked the dishwasher and oven too, we were pretty sure.  We thought it was strange that it would suddenly stop heating.  We called a guy out to fix it, he nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard it.  After he “fixed” it, it didn’t make that sound any more.   He didn’t look like a priest and we didn’t see any holy water.  I digress….

Immediately after moving we realized that something was wrong with the fridge.  The water line proved difficult for Ein and Stein the installer’s to connect to, then turn on.  Seems the prior owners who were (no kidding from West Virginia) had the knob to the water line concealed behind a decorative air vent cover in the basement. (????)  When they did get it connected it started and worked fine for about a day.  I noticed immediately the ice sliding down the back of the freezer.  I am sure this must have happened in CA too, but I just didn’t remember.  Some of it will land in the ice bin but it makes this strange trek down the back of the freezer too.  Also a large stalagmite of ice will reach up and prop up the arm of the ice maker if not knocked down daily.  The plastic door bins started cracking because Satan, evilly enough put clear brittle plastic in the fridge to hold all the stuff in the doors.  The two bottom ones hook on with these flimsy clips, the ones up top actually make some sense.  I have a line on the door bins on Ebay.  I have bought 3 now (knock on wood).  I dimly recall repairing one in CA with super glue.   Now I dodge ice shrapnel as it leaps off one of the food containers in the freezer to attack.

He did design it to be nice and cold.  It held the miracle lettuce for months past its expiration date in plastic sealed splendor.  The blessed lettuce seemed only to enrage the possessed appliance, which then lashed out at the washer and dryer.  How that miracle of greenery survived in crispy beauty until we finally found and consumed it I will never know. 

Once, not long after moving in, I noticed an ominous odor of burning melting plastic.  We discovered it was the fridge.  It was repaired but evil was not cast out.  It has only grown surer of itself.  Probably because of the whole blessed lettuce thing.  We can’t exactly get rid of a fridge that keeps random things fresh and perfect months past their expiration dates; that would be illogical.  I suppose I could try having my wonderful and helpful son push the fridge out from the wall with me to see if we can adjust the legs up a bit.  Knowing our luck something would break off, then it would start heating things instead of cooling them.   

I am afraid to invite the clergy into our home to cleanse the freezer.  It stands near a picture of Jesus.  I’m wondering if his gaze is what keeps the fridge from pure appliance domination.  So far the dishwasher has been replaced because the first was horrible.  The one we bought was recalled, the replacement was installed by a crooked moron which then loosened and fell out,  then the moron who installed it blamed the dishwasher, the builder and the counter for not being “right”.  The previous dishwasher was installed flawlessly by a blind guy (seriously).  Disposal has died, (we called the blind guy to put a new one in).  Washer and dryer have both had repeated repairs.  

We won’t mention the two other appliances.  The fridge seems unconcerned with them.  

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Heck in a handbasket!!

I swear once color TV became available to all; the world went to hell in a handbasket!  The minute I saw those Lawrence Welk singers and dancers in color I knew the world was heading straight downhill!

What was next?  Make-up ads in color?  

This is like that song "Ya Got Trouble"  right here in rivercity with a capital T and that rhymes P and that stands for pool!  

Pool, pool halls, they seem so innocent now. When I was a teenager it was the Arcade.  I was not allowed in the Arcade.  That was where the gang bangers hung out after all!  Nope no Arcade for me.  I sometimes peeped in the door, but never saw anything other than a dark room with video games making fun sounds.  Talking on the phone was a time fritterer back when I was a teenager too.  

Capital T and that rhymes with P and that stands for Phones. Cell Phones.  My son lives with a cell phone in his hand.  I can't get my son to unload a dishwasher without the cell phone in his hand, on the counter or in his pocket.  We can't watch TV as a family and make fun of people together because of the cell phone.  Darn phone.  

Sadly the most peaceful times are the times after a nasty blow up when the givers of the phone "evil momz lady and evil dadz man" take the phone and hide it due to extreme sassiness.  

Yep it all started with color tv.  We never should have known what color Bobby and Cissy were wearing. or WHY Bobby and Cissy were wearing certain things.  We should have seen it going down hill and stopped progress with the cassette tape playing walkman.  

I am invoking cell phone free times when we can still engage in wholesome family watching Hell's Kitchen in color and betting on which chef goes home next!

Friday, June 7, 2013

What on Earth???

Midwest LAX Bash 2013

My sweet son decided this photo (one of my favorites) should be removed from favorites, so I missed getting it on the disc, or maybe I didn't.  No one really knows because one time when I click on the favorites I see it.  Other times it isn't there.  I just don't know.  Why don't I know??

Why won't anyone answer my phone calls or emails?

I'll call again!

WELL now I feel like a jerk.  Apparently he has been tied up at the hospital with an ongoing condition for a family member.  Thus the non returned phone calls.

The site is VERY confusing.  I couldn't find an accurate description of metallic photo print.  Mom and I had to go on a quest with google to figure it out.  We decided fierce looking little boys don't need to be saturated in color and sparkly or shiny.  They should just look little boy like and fierce.  The prints are plain.  I'm not sure how to get the downloads...I am assuming the great and powerful giver of downloads will send me a link.  About the downloads.  The description says "unlimited digital download same athlete".  Sounds like there are unlimited photos of the same kid right?  When it's selected the instructions are to choose between 15-199 photos.  I found every single photo of him, even the iffy ones.  I selected them all, 103 of them, put them in the cart.  The total was over $200!!  I read all the fine print (totally hidden until after selections are made and in cart)  The first 30 only are included in the price, after that each image is $1.74!  My son and I got it down to 52 images which may or may not include the photo I love that you can hopefully see!!  It did have the share option!

I guess I will find out.  I guess I will find out lots of things.  Is the site crazy?  Am I crazy?  Will this image show up for you?  I need chocolate......That I am sure of..I need chocolate!!

Saturday, June 1, 2013

What were we thinking???

It's June 1st, a bit before midnight and I'm sitting here thinking back in time to a June 1st 18 years ago; 1995.  I was thinking too much then and entirely not at all.  I was running at full steam ahead finishing medieval garb, planning the unplannable, smoking like a chimney in the middle of a blizzard, melting little gold balls of engraving powder over a light bulb, and generally losing my mind.

I was 2 days away from one of the best/weirdest days of my life....

WHAT WAS I THINKING!?!?!  I was getting married!!  The married part was fine the parts that werent't....

Northwest Florida
in heavy satin
Under a pavilion next to a swimming dock!

There was NO PART of the wedding scheduled inside!  Even the barbecue was outside under another pavilion!  The after party was at the best man's house also Outside.  At least we had  booze by then and cooler clothes.
To say I got a major case of the "oh holy smokes what am I doing???" was putting it mildly.  I just realized that even though I knew he was and is and always will be THE one.  I was terrified!  I had just committed my life, all of it, every single day for the rest of my life to one person.  I was 24.  We "shacked up" when I was 19.  I had never really had a dating life at all.
For some reason when I met him in 1980 I was head over heels.  We lost touch after 1882 until the spring of 1990.  I could not get him out of my head.  I saw faces in crowds even after both of us had long been gone, faces in other cities that reminded me of him and my heart ached.  I remember staring at one guy in 1987, because he reminded me of THE ONE.  I have always hated losing people in my life.  I really still felt this loss.  It always felt just below the surface and raw.  I tried attempting to sort of possibly date.  My heart was never in it.  I just always felt that when the right person came along I would "know".  In high school I thought the "right person" had come along....turns out the old gaydar was broken, but he was the perfect guy friend for me.  (I digress)
I called a friend from that same small town one night in 1990.  I was lost, lonely, confused, wondering who I was, where I was going and I just needed a friend who knew me when I was "me" when I was whole, when I was still the person I used to be, before I lost my path, some of my innocence.  I needed my childhood for a moment and a child hood friend.  She mentioned him.  He was back near our old town.  I got his number.  I was terrified.  I wondered if he would remember me?  I debated making the call.  I figured at that point it must be kismet.  I still remember being terrified, sitting on the floor in the living room.  I pushed all the buttons, I wondered what to say.  He answered! I said "Hi, do you remember.....?"  HE did! We talked for hours, we talked often for hours.  He invited me to visit.  I took vacation and did.  We talked too much on the phone.  It was still the day's of 25¢/minute at least for long distance calls.  I said goodbye to one or two people and hopped a greyhound. I think I didn't tell anyone because I didn't want tears, or anyone to talk me out of this crazy thing.

23 years later(in Aug, though i moved in Jul)....18 (on the 3rd) as an honest woman and I'm still on the crazy train wondering..."what were we thinking????"  We should have gotten married inside!!