Monday, April 23, 2012

Lies lies lies!!!

I owe this post to a friend.  I'm not sure he wants his name on my blog...i'll call him poptarts.

Poptarts and I were discussing Chinese herbals.  The talk soon devolved into talk of other Chinese things in our culture.  Native Chinese foods such as, mayo covered mussels, Crab Rangoon, Lo-mein, La Choy in the can, and other things.  Then I wondered why I never see ANY of those things on a menu in Chinatown. 
Soon we started to question the validity of the fortunes in fortune cookies.  Were they truly meant for us as a message or was some faceless company churning them out by the thousands?  We'd been kind of hoping for a Freaky Friday experience just to visit life from another view.

It didn't take long for all this to devolve into a Chinese zodiac conversation.  How can you be a rabbit, but the Vietnamese say you're a cat??  One kinda kills the other for sport.  The rabbit does not win...or at least not often!
Poptarts and I may start to question other things do people in Italy really say bada-bing or bada-boom?  We may also start to wonder if Chef Boyardee is real Italian food? 
Are Patio brand Mexican Entrees real Mexican food? 

Lies, lies, lies we are surrounded by lies!!  I bet China doesn't even have Wing Ho Spicy beef, or Springfield Cashew chicken!!!

What do their fortunes say in China "idiots will order Crab Rangoon, snort derisively, affect bad Chinese accent for them haha"  Then Rangoon is ordered, waiter says under VERY badly affected accent "so sorry no have, must order this"  then elaborately points to the menu covering the entire wall!!  How could we miss that???
Our fictitious trip to China was less than fun.  Apparently raw fish eyes, boiled chicken intestines and eel tongue in lemon broth is only served to moron tourists with no/ low chopstick skills.  Our fortunes said "you will have lucky pants" or "you have much laughter".  We are never going back to imaginary China. 
We're going somewhere more fun next time, like ..........(poptarts gets to choose)

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Free Wine For Life??!?!?!??

I was in the kitchen half listening to the television as I contemplated the Baconnaise in my hands and the carton of gaily dyed boiled eggs before me.    
While listening to the television and tuning out the infomercial for The Lithium Worx GT™ I calmly gathered my supplies.  I was being responsible, texting friends, peeling eggs, smiling at my egg platters…when I heard this line

“Comes with free wine for life”

COME AGAIN???!!!  I was ready to drop the eggs and order one now!!  I had no idea how much this hedge or edger /trimmer -doohickey- thingy cost;  I didn’t even know how to spell it, (until I looked it up when writing this entry)…but come on it has free wine for life!!  NOTHING, absolutely nothing ever comes with free wine for life.  A power thingy we don’t need; because we have a guy we pay to mow the lawn and edge, but if it was cost effective then I was definitely on board!  I just needed to know a few important details; 

What type of wine?  How long is the time frame between bottles?  How many bottles per time frame?  What constituted “life”?  Could I sign my teen-aged son up to receive this free wine also if I purchased a second edger /trimmer -doohickey- thingy?   Is the wine supply transferrable if we give the edger /trimmer -doohickey- thingy to someone else?  Do we have to keep the edger /trimmer -doohickey- thingy in working order and charged at all times?  Does it report back to home base if we don’t use it?  Will the edger /trimmer -doohickey- thingy transmit the data that we are drinking the wine all by ourselves?   Must we drink the wine while using the edger /trimmer -doohickey- thingy?  What if the edger /trimmer -doohickey- thingy breaks do we still get the wine, or must we get it repaired first?  What happens to the guarantee if the company tanks due to wine over consumption?

I was slammed back down to Earth by that annoying logical voice in my head who calmly stated;
 "Look lush! What power tool is going to come with free wine you moron?  The people said LINE not WINE! LINE, LINE you know the stuff that breaks off and slaps you in the leg!  Good grief you don't even drink wine!!!!  What the heck?? Put the phone down now!! Make me those eggs with Baconnaise right this moment!! wine!!  Good grief what will this fool come up with next??  I need some vodka!  Get busy on those eggs hands!!"

After my gentle logical inner voice reminded me that edger /trimmer -doohickey- things do indeed use line I dried my copious tears and resumed peeling eggs in a much less gleeful manner.

I did however perk up considerably after the creation of my deviled eggs

Egg yolks
Extra hot horseradish
dill pickle relish

  It can be purchased here  Baconnaise  it is amazing!

So, my day didn't end with the celebration of, Free Wine For Life??!?!?!??  But I did make some down right tasty eggs!

Friday, April 6, 2012


Sadness is heavy

A yoke tied to dead weight;
It slows you, drops you, stops you.

It does not kill you, the makers mark, the trial by fire, the proofing;
Out you emerge, stronger, useful, different yet the same.

No longer a lump of clay, but a planter for new life, a vase to beautify your area, a plate to display with pride.
The loads we carry belong to us. We can choose to be held in stasis, or mold ourselves into the us we were meant to be.

Sadness is heavy, I can't carry that strong a weight, nor be bogged down carrying someone who is...
Sadness is heavy, feel the pain a while and let it go.

Sadness is the black pit you fall in to, the darkness of a cavern, deep like a canyon, yet strangely empty. 
Sadness envelops you, it works inside until you can't breathe. 

Defeating your sadness is laughter and planning. 
Some will like you some won't, those who don' confident in yourself.  People see others from the outside first then they see the inside.
 Make your inside beautiful or at least less dingy.