Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Complicated Lives....part 28

The lady in the van.....

Our next door neighbors for a time were a bit 'odd'.  We thought they were strange when they first moved in.  It was about late summer early fall in 1980.  Aunt Effie ( the make-up confiscator ) was visiting.  When they moved in, it was a lady going through a separation, and the elderly gentleman she kept house for.  We'll call them Uncle Fred (physically disabled but working and volunteering) and Louise (lay minister and not working).  Louise was separated from Milton.  Milton has been, or was, or might possibly have been seeing another woman...Marion.  I went to school with one of Marion's daughters.  We talked a bit, but weren't really friends after she learned what 'nerds' were and after I learned what 'trashy girls' were.  I desperately wanted to be a trashy girl, but Scott Baio, nor Shaun Cassidy would EVER marry a trashy girl!! (Maybe)....I digress....

At any rate, one day Louise showed up crying, tearing at her hair and possibly rending her garments....because Milton had once again shown up drunk.  None of us had ever met Milton.  Uncle Fred detested Milton.  Of course Uncle Fred didn't want Milton to stay, Louise did, Milton did, Mama didn't seem to trust him, I don't think Aunt Effie thought it was a great idea...I just wanted to find out how to be trashy.

We heard the following story from Milton.....loosely re-told....Milton broke up with Marion because he quit the poison (drinking) and realized he deeply loved Louise.  Marion and a couple of guys slipped him (Milton) a Mickey and loaded him into a van.  They forced him to drink liquor against his will (recovering alcoholic) and tried to brainwash him into continuing to date Marion.  Milton was mentally too strong for them, they realized it was useless to even continue trying so they dropped him off in the driveway, drunk to reconcile with Louise.

Uncle Fred pointed out that Milton came to realize this deep abiding love after he (Uncle Fred) bought the house next door and offered Louise a job cooking and keeping house for him.  He paid her little, but gave her room and board.  He felt that Milton just wanted to move in and live off him. 

Louise felt that all God's children deserved the benefit of the doubt. 

Milton had a bit of a wandering eye and was also somehow 'disabled' and hopelessly unemployable because no one in the town would give him a job, because Marion bad mouthed him, because he needed to help Louise, because he lost his license driving drunk, because, because, neat excuse in the box.

Uncle Fred couldn't really walk, didn't have full use of his arms, was visually impaired, yet rode his adult trike a mile or so to town every morning about sun up. Swept a parking lot with a push broom, then rode back home again.  He was a widower and played organ at a local church.  He did volunteering and was a wonderful person.  He didn't trust Milton because he considered him free-loading and shiftless. 

Uncle Fred gave Milton the evil eye and the cold shoulder as long as I lived there.  So, another 5 years...

Milton stayed with Louise until she died as far as we know...never again dating the lady in the van.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Complicated Lives.....part 27

Halloween 1974

I want to be a princess!!!  Back in the 70's ALL masks were designed to kill children.  We had these tiny mouth slits, small eye holes, and ridiculously minuscule pinprick nose holes.  Our faces sweat profusely, they were held on with elastic with those vicious metal ends.  Mama or Daddy...usually Mama would tighten it so it smothered you the most effectively, by tying knots in the elastic so it "fit better" meaning flush against your face with the only escape chewing out of it, or sadly cracking the edge of it as it was clawed off for fresh air!  My poor mask!  It was sort of flesh-toned, it had pink lips, plastic molded blonde hair and some bright blue overshadow, with painted on pokey lashes.  It was beautiful!!!
I went trick-or-treating with the neighborhood 'big kids'.  We went next door where we bobbed for apples, went inside to get our fresh popcorn balls, we went down the street getting apples, oranges, nuts, cookies etc.  We then went to "her"house to get "her" to go trick-or-treating.  "Her"parents were divorced and "she" lived with....(gasp) her Father!!!   I was told not to go in "her" house because 'Lord only knows what goes on in there!'  We rode the school bus together every day.  Her goat often hung out with us at the bus stop.  She had the coolest dresses, AND she was the oldest of our neighborhood group.  The big mystery of what went on was....she had a job and only a few of us knew it.  My first HUGE secret, from the age of about 3 on was not telling Mama and Daddy she had a job.  That was why she didn't hang out with the neighborhood kids much since the back to Halloween night.

We were NOT supposed to go inside her house and were NOT supposed to take anything from her Dad.  We all went inside, we all ate caramels and cookies, he was a single Dad and only had the know how to open a package of cookies and a bag of caramels.  He totally won us over because he had storebought cookies AND candy!!!  We made him smile, he hugged her tight and made us all promise to be careful.  He admonished her as the oldest to pay special attention to me, the youngest.  After we got "her" we collected the more blabbermouthy people in our group and headed off to visit the rest of the neighborhood.  This was back when we went inside everyone's home if we were invited.  We had cocoa, milk, sometimes soda and snacks.  We went inside to show our costumes to the grand parents who couldn't make it to the door.  Everyone over 60 was your Aunt or Uncle whether you were related or not.  We all spied witches flying in front of the moon and we knew what sweat and plastic tasted like.

I never wanted to be a princess again!!  But "her" secret was safe with all of us :)

Monday, October 17, 2011

Complicated Lives....26

Halloween 1980

A complicated ruse…

It was Halloween 1980 and I had just turned 10. My friends were wearing really shiny lip gloss with a roller ball, but I wasn’t allowed to have any. According to Mama “only cheap trashy girls wear lip gloss” I got Tinkerbell stick or pot lip gloss, it wasn’t very shiny and was kind of like chapstick. I was already unpopular, I was a little nerd girl, AND my lips weren’t shiny enough!! I was mad and plotting!!

I was desperate; I needed to outdo some of the lip gloss girls. One of them was already wearing makeup!! Something had to be done…I needed a way to get some mascara AND eye shadow. I thought and thought…I worked on idea after idea from August until October. Finally!! I knew what I needed to do!! I had a fool proof plan to score some make up! My birthday was coming up I requested some eye shadow and mascara because I wanted to be a gypsy for Halloween!!! It worked!!! I got Revlon mascara and Revlon Green eye shadow. Neither Mama nor I knew what to do with the mascara. She thought it went in your eyebrows, I was pretty sure it went on your eyelashes. We both knew what to do with the eye shadow.

I was giddy!! I couldn’t wait to try it out I had to ‘practice’ for Halloween. I greedily opened the mascara because it was so mysterious. That brush was wicked! The brush was scary, it terrified me! Mama and I stared at it and decided with a scary brush it MUST go in your brows! I tried the brow thing and looked like a cave man! Somehow this plow blade looking thingy had to go near my eye. I worked and worked, I finally figured it out. I looked like Mrs. Howell from Gilligan’s Island!! OMG! I would have to practice often! Yay! I was definitely going to need to wear Mama’s rouge and lipstick too. I was IN! Or so I thought. I tried out my look at school one day…I had bright red rouge on my cheeks in circles, bright pink lipstick badly applied, eye shadow and pokey lashes. One girl in my class said, “looking good kid!”, everyone else laughed out loud. I was crushed!

Back to the drawing board….

While I was dejectedly playing with play doh, we got a surprise phone call from my Aunt Effie! Aunt Effie was the MOST cosmopolitan person I knew. She had been to far off places like, Illinois, California and foreign countries too! Aunt Effie was at the nearby airport and would be to our house in an hour! Yay!! Aunt Effie to the rescue! She would fix my make-up woes!!

I was wrong…

I proudly showed my Aunt Effie my make-up conquest. She glared at Mama, and told her I was too young! I felt positively double-crossed! I felt like the rug had been pulled out from under me. She confiscated my make-up for HERSELF and announced that she would use her make-up on me. I was furious! My beloved make-up dissolved before my eyes.

Halloween night…

She tied a scarf around my head, and drew a star and moon on my cheek….I was deflated. At least I got some caramels.

I got my first real make-up set 2 birthday’s later and was finally allowed to wear it in public. The mascara was no longer scary and there was even a green eye shadow in the set. I didn’t look like a moron because I had discovered magazines. Aunt Effie left a Cosmopolitan!! Now to get something with a plunging neckline yay cleavage! ….. J

Sunday, October 9, 2011


****WARNING***** There is one DISGUSTING but non naughty photo on here*****

This probably should be under 'complicated lives'...but I decided to take a bit of a complicated break, at least until I can decide which complicated life to share next!!
So this is funny things said,

"seems like life is going too fast and death is closing in" ~said by a friend the day before my birthday

"the apple orchards are all full today"~ funny because.... of the next text

"...did you know it's apple season?"

"would you like cream in both of those?" ~ordering 2 coffee's with cream

"would you like sugar in both of them? Oh so you wanted sugar in one? Ok so you want cream and sugar in both? Ok so you want cream in both and sugar in one?" ~ ordering 2 coffee's with cream one with sugar...yes we do keep going to the same coffee house!

Photos of oddness!!

Seen in a bathroom of a wonders...
Did he buy new underwear?
Why did he leave these on the floor?
Why did he throw them away?
Is he wearing any underwear?
Did he stay with boxers or go with briefs?
Did he hate his underwear this much??

Is he friends with this guy??vvvv

I don't even want to guess what sick mind did this or why!!!
This was at an elementary school football field!!
I really hope this guy had a spare pair....yucky and disgusting but I had to share.

especially with the boon of the underwear on the floor photograph!!

Ugly finds at the antique store!!
Waaay less gross

This look sooo much like a Monchichi if you remember those.

Monchichi Monchichi oh so soft and cuddly....this little gem is a bank with a slit in the back of the head for coins!! Yes it is flocked!!

These are puppets from Mexico!!

The girl kind of looks like Frida.

The guy a bit like a Chihuahua. He also has little guitar I missed getting in the's in his dangling left arm.

Cats the world over are sobbing with this artwork in the world.

this is a chalk art cat, it deserved so much more...

These are just garish, large and I don't know what they are for!

That photo you can barely see on the wall is 8X10
so these babies are large!!

This is is also completely carved out larger-than-life 3-D

I'm sure this was seriously good stuff at one point and probably still is....but it just scares me.

I hope you have enjoyed my disgusting little photo exposé. My husband gets credit for the bathroom underwear photo. They don't like my kind in men's rooms!

I also hope you enjoyed the weird antique store finds.

My life is completely complicated and twisted, so I'm sure I have more complicated lives in me!!