Monday, December 10, 2012

Northern Lies

I see the sign's every where

All you can eat fish
Fish fry Friday night
All you can eat fish fry
All you can eat fried fish

They lure in once......just once.  I tried some "all you can eat fish".  I optimistically ordered it fried with hush puppies, "what? No hush-puppies?  ok...cheese grits.  what?  no cheese grits? french fries will be fine".  I didn't ask the type of fish because in the south there is only one type of fish that routinely appears on all you can eat fried fish signs.  Catfish.

I took one bite of what looked like a beer battery thing with not a speck of cornmeal on it.  It tasted like sweaty underwear smells in the locker room in the summertime in the south in an un-air-conditioned 1930's era shellacked floor gym.  It was NOT Catfish!  I have no idea what that horrible fish was.  I took a drink of my coke...assuming that once the shock wore of the fish would surely taste better.  I took another bite.  Nope!  Still tasted like dirty underwear.  I ate my fries and my salad.  I looked around me and saw gobs of the stuff all over other tables.  People were eating it like It was going out of style.  My one hope is that they eat it all and I never have to be threatened by it again.   

I decided to give walleye a try.  That tasted like the shellac from the floor of the 1930's era un-air-conditioned gym, home of the dirty drawers.  I happily cooked the rest of the walleye for the guys but refused to partake of anymore.  Eating fish that tastes like something other than sea or mud just isn't right.  Oh unless it's anchovies or sardines!  Those are great. 

I can not understand how people like the taste of either of those fish.  I would guess they probably think the same about the most wonderful tasting fish God ever created...the Catfish of course.  They probably think raw oysters are gross too along with my lovely anchovies and sardines.  

I guess the sign wasn't really a really was all I could eat.  I just happened to only be able to eat half a piece.  

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