Monday, November 5, 2012

Both sides now

This song has been a part of my life as far back as memories go.  Different parts called to my life at different times.  When i was very young i only heard the lines about the clouds.  I started looking for angel hair, fairy castles, princesses and princes, knights on white steeds, puff the magic dragon, the other side of the rainbow, i skipped rope and dreamt of a world with long blond hair, in jeans with ruffles on the legs, and mary janes with high heels.  I ate marathon bars, choco-lite, i chewed ice cream gum and had pig tails.  I knew i could fly into those clouds! 
Reality hit my world and i realized they were just beautiful escapes...but the world is here you can't jump into a cloud and wish it all away.
Seeing them from both sides they are essential, so perfect and free, like our hearts and dreams should be.
My prince would come i was sure!  We would ride in cars at night.  We would listen to disco and 80's music reminding us to hold on to 16 as long as we could.  It would be perfect, he would see only me, i would see only him.  There would be magic!  I would have dates. 
Love didn't turn out that way.  Love has flaws and to love our spouse, partner, or lover...we must see those flaws and accept them.  We break the pedestals we created while watching clouds and dreaming dreams.  If we love our spouse we fill the flaws, help them stand tall and hold them while they teach us to find new clouds together, yet still share the sky with our own visions and glimmers of perfection. 
I've changed and am no longer the person I planned to be.  I've  looked at me from both sides now the me I was, the me I am.  I don't recognize the girl I was until the clouds roll by.  I see her watching feeling free, I see her watch her son and sigh; with hopes and dreams for him not done.  I see her watch her husband and wonder how they found each other.
Life is something I will never least i hope not.  It's up there in a fairy castle in the air.
I see another world from.both sides too.  The feelings, movements all askew.  We meet new friends they teach us to cope, laugh and help others see the lovely clouds in a new world where many clouds are dark and ugly.  At times feeling lost and in a storm but with our clouds, broken pedestals and new formed plans we build our fairy castles more accessible.  They fit our new lives with broken fairy wings.  Puff the magic dragon comes, we take rides and give him hugs, we see those princes, and angels flowing hair.  We see it all with wonder and awe....
I see it all from both sides now...


Eve said...

This is fantastic Vicki! I love the Puff the Magic Dragon reference...and you're so right, I don't think any of us are exactly the person we planned to be when we were young..we need to tear down the pedestals and see things from both sides..very well said. You're an excellent writer!
Hope you're well these days. ~ e.

Anonymous said...

good post, added you to my RSS reader.

I just can't shut up said...

Thanks you two!