Jimbo Snides
“Hey good ta meecha! Call me Cowboy ever body calls me Cowboy”. We tried to call him 'Cowboy' but he was wearing too tight wranglers with a Jim Beam T-shirt, not exactly cowboy…just sort of redneck. Still and all he said call him “cowboy” not redneck. It just felt wrong. I asked him if he had any cows, horses, sheep?? Anything farm related at all?? No, never had. He wasn’t even raised on a farm. We all lived in the same city. He was at least raised in a small town so that was something in his favor! He said “We’re goin to Carry-o-kee tonight, everbody calls me Cowboy when I’m there, they all ask me to sing” I wondered where exactly Carry-o-kee was and if it was in Oklahoma would we have enough gas to get there from Florida and back. Turns out Karaoke is Carry-o-kee! “I’m real well known here we might not git ta sit ta gether imma get my ol lady to hold us a table!” people start coming up to him high fives, hand shakes hugs, claps on the back all with a “hey Jimbo!” and him steadily saying “everbody calls me cowboy”…no one called him cowboy at all ever. He did have a nice singing voice however.
….meanwhile his first girlfriend left him or he left her because she refused to get pregnant out of wedlock. He took up with a second girl who wasn’t actually quite all the way divorced…we’ll call her Melinda. Melinda lost custody of her son because Jimbo decided to spank him and he and Melinda decided it was ok to leave a 4 year old at home unattended at night “as long as he was asleep” while Cowboy and his filly decided to Carry-O-Kee it up!! Melinda did manage to get pregnant by Cowboy and they had a lovely little girl. Sort of lovely she does have that hair patch on her back. They had a second child I’m not sure if was hairy or not.
Jimbo was a bit of an entrepreneur and decided to open his own siding business…the problem was, he had no experience! So Jimbo sold himself as Jimbo’s Siding and actually landed a job! He took pictures and showed us..Melinda had such glowing praise as…”that sucks” and “you need a real job” “that ain’t even straight”. It wasn’t the most professional job. It kind of looked do-it-yourself. He expected top pay and had a bit of a “fit” when they didn’t want to pay him because it looked like crap and fell apart. Tax time rolled around and somehow…though Jimbo did have a “real” job in addition to his siding business and selling stolen watermelons from the back of a truck. He wasn’t going to get much back legally. Melinda really wanted this tattoo, so Jimbo decided to get creative with numbers. He actually told us what he was going to lie on his taxes. I have no idea what he did, or how he did it, but somehow he managed to get back about $2500 in a refund when he never even paid out that much in taxes. Melinda was complaining about this and said “Jimbo’s gonna get hisself arrested…alls I wanted was my tattoo and it’s only $80. I don’t know what he’s gonna do with all the rest a that money” . About that time my 5 month old threw up strained spinach in his hairy daughter’s hand. Ah redneck afternoons!!!
We may revisit Jimbo later and learn of his exploits with the Po-leece.
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