Sunday, March 6, 2011

Glimpses


Sometimes in our lives we all question the path we’ve chosen. Something cataclysmic might spurn us into these lengthy mental diatribes. Stages shifting in life might cause a mental swirl of what ifs…sometimes life itself draws us in. Whatever the reason, we attack ourselves, our very ability to make good decisions.

I was questioning my path a month or so ago. I’m 40 and feel pretty confused by everything right now. I wondered if I had wasted my life. I also wondered if I was ruining the lives of those around me. When I was 19 my life was wide open, I made the choices I did and felt very confident in those choices…(well as secure as anyone like me can feel). Largely I have been content in my life, pleased with the choices I have made. Something happened recently and it really shook me up. I started to wonder if I had made the ‘right’ choices or not. I was wondering If I was the best example of wife and Mother (of course not!!) Did I make the wrong turn on that trip through Albuquerque??? Why am I still so immature? That was another thing I started to question…diffusing situations with humour yet taking myself too seriously (how insane am I really??)…everything started to feel off center and nothing made sense. Merrily I was tripping down the trail of what-ifs following the bread crumbs of the lost and disconsolate.

Then I got a map….also known as another serious wakeup call

Since that time, I’ve had glimpses…glimpses of paths not taken. As I looked down the paths and saw the different futures that might have been; watched the unfurling leaves on the trees not passed, saw the flowers not smelled and the rosy path not taken…it hit me (like a sofa). Sometimes the trees throw apples (just ask Dorothy), sometimes the flower is a corpse flower and the path is just a muddy rutted out trail. I realized everyone walks their own path and we’ve chosen for a reason. I am lucky….I am one of the luckiest people alive. I’ve seen what could have been and I don’t want it. At this moment I am content, I love, and I am loved…really…. what more is there?

At this moment I am content on my pink flamingo filled path; sitting in a lounge chair under my coconut tree, with the monkeys hanging from it, throwing moon pies and beads, while joyfully eating packzi and sipping coffee shaky hand and all; while writing this delightfully long run on sentence, simply because I can J

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I really like this alot. I've constantly question my ways and what I could have done with my life if I had done that thing that I chose not to do.

Your Fried IW