Monday, February 21, 2011

I'm told it's healing

I'm weird. Nothing ever quite goes the way it's supposed to. Years ago, I broke my never disclosed on x-ray. Something should have told me something was wrong because it just never stopped hurting (echo the torn acl!)...I ignored it for years. One day about 5 years after I broke it, I mentioned it in passing to a surgeon I was seeing for a ganglion cyst in my hand, he took an talus had a dead spot. It was drilled, I spent 2 months in a wheel chair while my hand and ankle healed..or thought they healed. The hand ended up as exploration...seems he couldn't "find" the cyst! I was released as 'fixed'...gee it shouldn't still hurt, then spent the next year and a half with a cane and or a walking boot. I was taking classes at the time...half the class talked to me, and cheered when I finally wore 2 shoes to class, the other half avoided me...they thought I was an amputee because of the cane and the limp...
After a year and a half I swallowed my fear and saw another surgeon. He injected hylagen (sp) into my dodgy knee and then sent me for another MRI for the ankle. The first surgery had accomplished nothing! No healing, the attempt was to injure it and force it to re-vascularize...I am immune to healing.

During the awful black year and a half of shooting bone pains, limping, sleepless nights or nightmare filled nights...I had a recurring nightmare, my leg was amputated and I didn't care, losing it seemed like the only option. I didn't say it was a good option, it just seemed like a welcome idea. Looking back I realize the amputation dreams were me feeling divorced from that part of my just wasn't healing...forward to just after surgery

I wake up to find out a dear friend's house in CA was in flames, and my leg 'felt funny'..the surgeon came in with his head hanging...he told me (still stoned from anesthesia mind you) 'It was worse than I thought when I got inside'...I thought my leg was gone! Then he told me...the dead bone was larger than the MRI showed, so he had to take longer and cut off the end of my tibia to prevent it's resting the in the dead slot... 4 months on crutches and in's fine 6 years out...

now I'm 'healing' again...only this time it's my neck...ACDF 5/6/7....still thinking of a name for the cadaver graft...

My neck is a nightmare!! At least I'm having blood filled dreams.....thinking bio mech tattoo

tomorrow I'll yap about how this happened...or the next day...but have no fear....I just can't shut up!!

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