Saturday, April 2, 2016
Catty, honest or bitchy?
(none of these names are real)
I was under the impression that my pointed comments, teasing friends about faux pas with snarky or cutting comments was catty. I expect catty banter back and forth with friends of either sex. Maybe I don’t really understand what catty is. I can be catty (provided I understand it) when discussing someone I really do not like, but I don’t show false friendship to them either. I keep my distance from them and don’t pretend to be friends. I will have a pleasant exchange with them but won’t really hang out with them. I can’t in good conscience not respect someone that I spend time with. I am catty when people say “I have great attention to detail and I’m a fast learner” when half the words on a form are misspelled and no care was taken.
So, in my special little world, this thing is going on. A few of us are all attempting to do the same thing. More specifically a few of us are all interviewing for the same job. We are in a small office, and we agreed not to be catty about it, actually our manager told us not to be catty about it. We agreed to go have a drink after the decision is made to celebrate the person who gets it or to plan pranks if it’s an outsider. Perhaps I don’t understand the “real girl” meaning of the word catty. I don’t tend to spend a lot of time with other women because I don’t get the mind games. I assumed those games were part of being catty. I’m too old for those games. I’m a bit older than the manager, and about 15 years older than each of the other ladies interviewing. I honestly don’t even want the position anymore. I just want to keep doing what I’m doing, helping people, supporting, and enjoying the work. At first I really did want the job, until I learned there was a bit more to it than what was actually written on the paper…..like another job entirely came along with the one listed, I feel very misled. When I learned that, I lost interest, but now I’m locked into this interview.
Now, the catty, bitchy or honest part…..When asked, and repeatedly asked who told me to do something, who gave me something, how did I get this..I finally said “I don’t want to throw anyone under the bus, we are all a team, but I got if from Alisa”. Then the questions started, the manager feigned shock. Marcia, the other lady in the office had my back as we sought to clarify exactly what Alisa’s role is in the office and if we can ask her for help. We were, and still are, a bit unclear. I met with the manager on an earlier day, because I am a very literal person when it comes to procedures and work. I want to know exactly the direction things are progressing, exactly what our order of importance is, the exact steps we are to follow in the day to day structure, and the backup plan on days that are chaotic. We need to operate within the law. The rules change on a daily basis or at times even hourly. I need to have clarification so I can refer to that when demands are made. Things have to stay on some sort of track moving in some logical form of order or really important things can get lost in the shuffle making us look bad, getting us caught in a legal bind and potentially could cost us clients or a lawsuit. I shared the details of my meeting with Marcia because I think she got the wrong idea and the info was useful, I made copies of my notes for her. I am very open, usually very honest and often very transparent. I don’t do secrecy unless it’s a harmless secret or something hurtful. If people entrust me with something, I don’t share it unless it’s very clear that I can share it. If it’s something I can’t share but I need advice on, I will approach a close friend in another state who has no connection to the parties involved. I do not kiss and tell for lack of a better phrase.
I overheard today, that we are apparently “being catty”. I really have no idea how seeking clarification on procedures and divulging a name under duress can be construed as catty. I was literally being hit with rapid fire questions and was badgered into answering. I said I didn’t know who, I don’t remember, It wasn’t me, I tried to avoid answering because it really wasn’t important who did what, it was only important that my part was done correctly because my part dealt with the legality of something. I don’t know how clarifying our roles is catty or being pumped for information by the boss is catty when it’s clear neither of us wants to get the other girl in trouble with the boss, we just want to know if we can ask her to help with parts of our processes and what her processes are. We need a team approach.
I really don’t know if that’s catty, honest or what…but I can tell you it’s making me quite bitchy at this point. There is no room for spite, conflict or backstabbing. We have got to work as a team. From all I’ve seen it would appear that our boss is trying to create strife rather than help build a winning team. This is a management style I am not used to or comfortable with. I will not play those games. She can lead me to the Yahtzee cup but she can’t make me shake it.