Saturday, March 19, 2016

undeserved angels

Life makes no sense.  The time we have on Earth is not as cut and dried as it seems.  When people die, we lose the ability to touch them and feel them, to speak with them and have them answer, to challenge them to hot sauce tests and win, we lose the physicality of them.

When they die they pass on from our physical world but then they become so much more, hey are very much still with us.  A lot of people believe the spirits we interact with aren't the spirits of loved one but something darker.  I know the people who've touched my life, I also know people with incredible darkness in their lives who've been part of my world and their energy feels very different from a loving friend or family member.  Maybe the friends and family who stayed have permission or have different beliefs and expectations about the afterlife.  Maybe heaven for them is staying close to us until we can all be together again in the beyond.

I have a friend who pops up at the oddest of times, he popped up today and all day I've been rehashing certain things in my mind.  I contacted his widow only to find out that he has been very active lately, even going so far as to pull her mother from a serious car accident.  We reminisced about some of the ways he's reached out and it's 100% him.

I don't know the reason, or the rhyme, I don't care what anyone says to me, I know what I feel and I know what I know and I know the people who care about me still watch over me.  I can see so many things I shouldn't have walked away from but did.  I see so much of my life has been a gift and a miracle, I took it all for granted until 2011.  I am blessed, yet I feel such guilt because not everyone has this same level of blessing.  I''m not special, I didn't save children, puppies or kittens from burning orphanages, I am snarky, I'm a smart ass, I'm not even that great of an example of humanity and I'm certainly not the best example of a Christian, I have a short temper and don't see it changing anytime soon.  I'm just an average person and I don't deserve the angels/spirits sent to watch over me.  I love them, I love that they have watched out for me and that they have gotten me out of some terrible scrapes.

I can use all the help I can get to make it in life and do my best to spread more good than bad in an effort to honor those who've passed on before me, especially those who still help protect me.

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