Sunday, September 15, 2013

Benevolent computers and other idiotic things

I love my laptop, it's so pretty.  It's really nice, a lovely handsome black.  It's very young too! It's running Vista and is barely 6 years old.  I love it so much, it's so benevolent.  I know my dear, sweet, kind, world traveling, loyal, perfect computer will (one day soon) take pity on the poor human fool who is definitely no match for its style wit and grace, no match at all for calculation speed and the wisdom of word's constant attention to my poor sentence structure and use of first person narrative and let the human pass this level of papa pear, candy crush and bubble witch.

Please oh benevolent computer please, please, please, pretty please take pity on my tortured game skills and just let me win.  I will keep the kitty from sleeping on you.  We can help each other dear computer, you and I.

I know, I am likely insane and definitely having too much fun with some online games.  They are my only vice.  Well the games and a nice piece of chocolate...those are my only vices...oh wait, some reality shows too...ok, so I have a few vices.  None are terrible.

Other things worth noting or worth nothing as the case may be are......percents...you can't physically give over 100% of yourself at any time unless I have a total and complete lack of understanding where mathematics, physics and or body systems are concerned, tenses are very important when writing, correctly spelled words also and having auto correct off or at least tamed can be especially important when tweeting or status updating, or sending texts.  I often find myself in gales of laughter reading what others have written.  Computers and other gadgets can only anticipate so much.  Except for my computer who happens to be perfect in every way and WAY more intuitive than other, lesser, computers.  So in cases other than mine, gadgets can only correct so much, people still need to have some command of the native tongue.  A common theme in a support group I am a member of is bowel issues....you will not believe the sheer number of people both English speaking and non, who will gleefully ask for suggestions about "How to empty my bowl"  I indicated that I generally prefer using a spoon to empty my bowl, but at times a fork will work or just slurping depending on what's in the bowl.  I knew what the guy was asking but couldn't resist being the smart ass.  Sometimes being a tad irreverent is just what the world needs.  For instance my husband encountered some bathroom graffiti  "Satin lives!" my husband, never one to be a jerk (LMAO) added "so does cotton".  I do hope the poor graffiti artist knows that satin is a type of weave and is not a living material unless it happens to be silk which can be a satin weave, aside from that satin is generally accepted to be polyester, nylon, rayon, or acetate.

I love grammar police time especially in public restrooms!!

Now I am going to sacrifice floppy discs to my wise, kind and loving computer until the acorns in papa pear go down....they will not win!!!


1 comment:

Eve said...

lol! I'm amazed by the number of grown people who seem to know nothing about grammar or spelling. It's one of my pet peeves too. Not that I'm a professor or anything, but we did learn this stuff in school. At least we did back in the dark ages when I was in school!

I think the computer age and social media especially, is partly to blame.
Even before that though, there was advertising...'Cheez Whiz'....'Froot Loops'...it's crazy.

I have an old desk top that's been with me for almost seven years. It has vista also, and just a few months ago it pretty much gave up on computing. Now all I can do on it is play games.
For everything that's not a game,I use my new laptop that I got in February. It has Windows 8, which is STILL a pain in the ass to get used to!
My son says I should get a tablet too...I don't want to over whelm my brain though! My head might explode.