Friday, October 19, 2012

7358400 minutes +

7358400 minutes +.......350 ish minutes when I started this....ok, started this on the 12th, then got busy and forgot to post it...sooo add less than 3200 minutes.

It seems like a large number.  It's so incredibly small.  My son turned 14 at 9:06 pm on 10/11. 
I look at my large, capable (slightly) confident, yet wholly undaunted and friendly son.  I realize many people "don't get him"  they likely never will.  Similar to me and my husband, he marches between a beat of his own and the struggle to fit in.  It's always so hard to find one's place in the world.  I ache for him when I see the worry etched on his face, the panic starting, the fear of non acceptance.  Every year, he finds friends.  Some choices are good, some friends make bad choices, some hopelessly nerdy..(good kids nonetheless).
All in all he does a decent job choosing friends.  The one's he spends the most time with...the hangout friends, are all talkative, friendly, slightly helpful boys.  They don't really cheat or steal.  It's impossible to steal cookies freely given and no one tells the whole truth about how many cookies they've had.  Oh wait...I'm the lying cookie thief!  They fess up proudly to the 12 cookies they each ate.  Maybe they just cheat and take the largest...or is that evil, wicked me again? 

It breaks my heart to see his failures, him quitting, fear of success as crippling as that of failure.  I wish there were a magic Mommy  circuit board I could have implanted.  It would emit a low and constant dose of booze or a relaxing medication.  The booze board would make me more fun to be around though.

I need to smile more, enjoy him more...and deal with his attitude 14, i'm suuure he knows much more than I do.  I am constantly reminded how abjectly stupid I am to expect him to put away clothes, do a few chores, homework and keep his room cleanish. 

On the flipside, I'm pretty smart.  I taught him to cook early and often!  He makes omelettes with wild abandon.  So wild in fact that we now have curry powder and other spices in eggs.  It works!  We found out because of our marvelous budding chef.  We never wondered, he didn't take time to weigh it out, he wondered then did it. 

I wonder what the next very short minutes he will live with us are going to be like?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

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