Thursday, September 27, 2012


Maybe it's the blues, maybe it's the weather, maybe it's my internal wiring....but I have no energy.  I feel about as energetic as a throw pillow and as useful as a worn out afghan in a blizzard with no heat and no total...pretty non energetic and fairly useless.

I wonder why I feel so worn out, as I gaze at the sleeping Siamese curled up in my lap twitching as he dreams, I feel myself drift just a little.  Could my little buddy be sucking out my energy?  Is he using it to fuel his shiny ball chasing craze?  Perhaps he's using it to power some cat time portal or some cat space probe.  I trust him completely but there are times he seems deeper than a mere kitty sleeping on a lap.

I love fall and winter, honestly I do.  I forget every year how season changes affect me.  This is my second year rewired and I don't know what to expect on that front.  Exhaustion seems to just "pop up" out of nowhere with this.  I guess it really isn't totally out of nowhere.  I can usually trace it to something, lack of sleep, weather, too much typing, too much of anything, medication, nightmares.

The mental fog is pretty substantial too.  Both of them are hitting at the same time.  The exhaustion and mental fog.  The futility of raising a teenager is also mentally draining and for some reason mental stress makes my body feel worse.  Odd or normal?  I think it's normal that stress causes some fatigue.  I think it's odd that I have no idea how to deal with this.  I am assuming I'll figure it out eventually.

Yeah, ok this post is a bit whiney.  This is one of those days I just want my Grandma, the multi colored afghan I used to peak through, the old green plaid sofa,  the pheasant pillow, a cup of Campbell's Chicken noodle soup and Fantasy Island.  If I could turn back time for just one day, I think it might be a day I didn't feel so great and my Grandma took care of me.  I'd love to feel that care again.  I know they guys care, but it's not the same.  I'm responsible now and I'm not supposed to need to be taken care of.  I'm supposed to take care OF things.  On top of all the mental fog, physical exhaustion and general oddness I beat myself up emotionally on a daily basis because I just don't feel like I'm in charge of anything.  I feel completely out of control.  This can't be good for me.  Somewhere, somehow, something has to give.....I'm pretty sure all of us go through this feeling drained thing. I think I'll perk up when the weather has settled, my kitty isn't sneezing so much and we start to decorate for Halloween.  Mmmm Halloween, stolen candy from my son :)  I can almost taste the tootsie rolls now!

Gee isn't this a gloomy post!?  Aren't you glad you read it?  At least it had Tootsie Rolls and Campbell's soup....but not together, that would just be gross.

No comments: