Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Boring update

I am doing this on my ignore autocorrect.

It's been almost 8 months with this cord thing now.  I started writing 'complicated lives' to take my mind off myself for a while.

I guess it started the moment I woke up in the hospital.  I noticed certain things right away.  Little differences.  I was told to stay active, keep walking, do all my normal things as restrictions were lifted.  Then, whiplash. I had a setback.  That one thing delayed healing by a few months.  I ended up needing a cane to function.  My hand issues got worse, but not terrible.  I'm lucky.

June...messed up bad leg.  Can't use crutches anymore because my neck is still not happy with me.  I spent a month in a chair (yes I own one now) lost more muscle mass. 
Despite continued use of my muscles....I'm still in a bit of decline, trying to find my way back to only slightly different. 
As it stands, for long walks or outings.  I use my chair.  Shorter distances I use my cane.  I'm staying mobile and active, but it is hard work.

Most days are a struggle against a rushing tide, moving through molasses, with little energy.  No I am NOT depressed.

I won't bore you with many details.  The pain has changed, not for the better.  Healing continues.  I am healing but will never be healed.

I'm ok with this. 
My life is fine...I have little to complain about. Some days are just better than others.  This is still kind of hard to talk about.
I think the hardest/ worst part is not fitting in anywhere.  I don't belong in any one group.  I'm not the same, but neither am I too different.  It's hard to explain a walking cord injury to anyone...especially yourself.  Pardon the pun, but a walking cord injury is a lonely road to travel.  I find myself at odds with myself many times.  Also I find myself in a constant state of defensiveness in some places.  I don't get overly bothered by stares.   (don't notice them)  I find there is a bit of bitterness toward people like me....not much however from the true SCI community, (unless they are bitter angry people to start with)!  I find hatred more from pretenders.  I've actually been reduced to tears by a few people only to later learn they never had an injury at all.  I guess they must get a sick pleasure out of hurting others.

I'm not sure what else to say.  Vitamins, Calcium, adequate rest, and cutting yourself slack are all essential.  As is...sucking it up and getting on with life.  A state of stasis does nothing to help anyone, but it will cost you mobility.

Send a mssg if you'd like to know more....


Eve said...

You are doing great Vicki! You are making progress and it's natural to have all the feelings you are having. Don't pay any attention to those a**holes who are just bitter and hurtful..good advice on getting rest and cutting yourself some slack! I need to do that more too sometimes...your Complicated Lives series is awesome! You really should think about a book!

Anonymous said...

Eve I told her the same thing about the book, I told her I would buy it. But then again I am the little sister so I would have to buy it!

Eve said...

lol little sister! I would buy it too! Hey really need to do it! The book thing I mean! You have two buyers already...come on! Hope you're doing well this week..

I just can't shut up said...

You are both such a boost to my ego!!