Saturday, July 16, 2011

Complicated Lives....part 8

Strangers (than fiction) on a Train

So, I decided to go home to Mommy for a visit since my last girls outing was 8 years ago and looooong overdue. I like to think (yes really) and I love to look at scenery. I decided to take a train. The mystique, the romance, the leg room, seeing things you wouldn’t see on the highway, like people in their underwear getting in a hot tub. So here’s the rundown

In the station waiting on the train….a nice looking, well dressed, middle aged lady ate a sandwich. Nothing odd there, lots of people eat. It was evident from the way she held her sandwich that she lived indoors and had some manners. Much to everyone’s delight/dismay, she then pulled out a piece of floss and started flossing her teeth less than 30 feet from the bathroom! She also wiped the floss with a napkin and threw the used food bits on the floor…eeeewwww . She may have even gotten the girl next to her with flying food drops.

Train arrived thank you Lord!

These names are made up, since I don’t know these people…just my 5 hour ride with them.

Darlene and Fred

Darlene apparently has never been outside her house, nor has she looked at a map it appears. We were all standing in a delightful downpour waiting for the train to arrive. The destination Chicago is a city to the West sooooo logic would dictate that the train would come from the East. Horn sounds, Darlene looks East. Fred says “no it’s coming from there” Darlene “well which way is Chicago?” Fred “it’s to the West.” Darlene “Chicago is West of here??” Fred “yes dear” Darlene “oh there’s the train!!! I want a picture when we get off !!” Fred “It’s not that exciting” Darlene “well to me it is, I haven’t ever seen one before” Fred (chuckling) “ok dear it is exciting then, yes you can take a picture of the train”. On board the train they talked about role playing games the entire journey….really hope the Orks in Chicago don’t like to dine on dorks. Maybe that was harsh, but for goodness sake…look at a map.

Terrific Trio

Our train was delayed. We all got notices via email and or phone that we should check for delays. In any transportation system when one part is delayed, generally other parts are also delayed. Terrific Trio apparently were not aware of the transportation web. Excerpt from a phone call;

Diane- The train Effie’s on is delayed!

Jack-So is she on it?

D- No, it’s delayed.

J- What does that mean?

D- It isn’t there yet

J- Is that her on the phone?

D- yes.

J- So ask her why it’s delayed?

D- They don’t know.

J- But she is on it.

D- No, it’s delayed, it isn’t there yet.

J- So she isn’t on it.

D- No she isn’t on it.

J- But it Is there?

D- No it isn’t there yet.

J- So where is she?

D- At the station.

J-So is she getting on it now?

D- Not yet, it’s delayed.

J- When is she going to get on it?

D-When it gets there.

J-When will it get there?

D- They don’t know because it’s delayed.

J-So she isn’t getting on it yet?

D- No

J-This doesn’t happen with delays anywhere but here. I went to Europe once and those trains were never delayed. There were no potholes on the Autobahn either.

D- I know, but her train is delayed.

J- Well when will she get there?

D- I don’t know because the train is delayed.

Jack did you know that spinach has no nutritional value unless it’s cooked? I mean zero, it strips vitamins from you, so it’s even worse than iceberg lettuce. Jack says to Diane, so all those people are eating that spinach salad thinking they are healthy but it’s ruining their bodies. Is Effie on the train yet?

Oh Jack it’s Effie on the phone. They’re putting you on a bus?! Are you on it yet? There are trees on the tracks? Well can’t they get them off? Diane is she on the bus now? Yes Jack she’s on the bus now.

Jack I wonder if we will have trees on our track too. Are we approaching from the same side as Wisconsin? Oh Diane I don’t think we’ll approach the same way we’re in Michigan. I think Wisconsin is to the left of Chicago.

Jack did you know Salvation Army has good kitchen utensils.

Jack- What are kitchen utensils? Like dishes and stuff?

Diane- No, utensils are like spoons and spatulas.

Jack- I thought they just had clothes and only college kids shopped there.

Diane-you know Effie got some earrings there and took them to a jeweler to have them cleaned and he told her they were worth $400!! Apparently if there is a K on there it means they are real gold!

Jack-you’re kidding! Why would they mark it with a K if It’s gold?

Other snippets of conversation…”Where are you going? The cafĂ© cart. Will you be back?” “Did you know coffee wakes me up better than alcohol does?” “Why do we build nuclear plants when there is no place to dispose of nuclear waste?” “I wonder if they have teabags in hotel rooms”

Either I slipped into unconsciousness at this point or suddenly became engrossed in my puzzle book because the rest of the trip was a blur.

Ah Strangers on a train!!! All aboard!

1 comment:

Eve said...

OMG Vicki!! This is beautiful! Priceless! I love it...I love overhearing bizarre conversations like this...travelling on a train or a bus usually leads to hearing some gems...hope you're having a great week!