Wednesday, April 13, 2011

The beans just burned

I tried following it, a recipe for baked beans. I make pretty good baked beans normally. I knew the recipe looked light on liquid, I also don't normally follow a recipe....two recipes for disaster already!!
I tried turning the pork chops into pulled pork...
It was even kind of funny, nothing working out quite right. It was up there with Monday's great bun fiasco.....Thousand Island does NOT fry like Mayo on a bun...it gets black and sticky. I tried something new and it didn't work...oh well. Move on. I was proud that I accomplished something today. I was looking forward to tomorrow's adventures.

I wasn't even that down on myself for the failed recipe and the tough pork until someone told me how well a;
"friend" healed from "this exact same surgery" "well it took a long time....6 weeks" "I bet you just feel great with this nice weather it must be so much easier for you, you sound good"

(can you hear me screaming?)


Then I just felt like an utter failure, can't do beans, can't do pork, can't sleep, can't even heal right!! Today seems fraught with trial and error. I keep "trying" to sleep, "trying" to heal, "trying" to not be a wet blanket.....nothing is working quite right.

I whined and got misty, I sat on the couch feeling like a loser....then I opened a couple cans of beans, I'm working again on the chunks of pork, I got mad, I got surly, but I'm working on it. I've never healed well, I knew that. Everyone who knows me knows that. My friends and family still seem to like me even if I go back and forth healing. It can also lead to some funny moments.

I'm actually really happy the friend healed so well and so fast...but the last thing a person needs to hear is how they "should be feeling" We're all different and life affects everyone differently. I have friends going through fusion now, or soon, a friend recently went through it...I'm thrilled to hear how well they are doing. I'm happy to share my experience and point out that I am not a good yardstick for healing.
I really hurts being compared with other people. That's my problem though and I'll figure out how to deal with it eventually. I think my emotions might be a little raw right now. It could be lack of sleep. It's hard not to compare ourselves to others, but I try to draw the line at comparing healings...it's just not wise.

So onward and upward...I'll get it together.

I'm using the big girl computer, but I still ramble don't I??

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

I shall say this in front of everyone.........you make the best damn baked beans I have ever had! :)

I just can't shut up said...

I love you too!!! I promise not to fool with my formula again. :-) xoxo

Eve said...

It's really hard to recover from any kind of 'neck thing' ..or nerve damage thing, because no matter how great the recovery is, you're never the same again. It gives you a new normal...it's an adjustment...hope you continue to make kick ass baked beans and celebrate your victories!

Anonymous said...

Next thing you know you are going to start screwing with your biscuits too.....at which point I shall disown you! xoxoxo Love you too sis (PS I post under anonymous as it is faster than actually having to log into whatever account of mine this is linked to!)