Wednesday, May 4, 2011
I'll make a roux
I'm trying to hold this together. I think I do a reasonable job on most days. I did not do well today. I have felt really vibratey the past two days. for lack of a better description it feels like someone has hit a tuning fork, placed it on the base of my skull and left it vibrating. Today everything is just off. I didn't want to get out of bed because I was just so wiped out. I don't feel like I'm really "here' when this all happens. I feel like inside I'm on fast forward, my body is on slow, and the world is just spinning along. Ok, now that I sound completely insane....this is how I handled life today.
I made a roux. After I made the roux, I sat down. I got up and started to add things. I sat down. I chatted online for a while with a new group of friends. I am trying herbals (not pot!!) to calm down the hypersensitive feelings. I truly feel like I don't belong anywhere right now. I have a few people I trust to spend time with and that's it. I feel like crying and laughing all at the same time. I'm not sad, I just feel...different. My husband is going to read this and wonder "should I eat this gumbo? What did she put in here??" The gumbo is fine...I'm fine...I'm just working with the learning curve.
......2 days later, Ok...I forgot to add the okra to the pot of gumbo, the next day I resurrected the pot, added the okra and a few other things. I guess life is like a pot of gumbo, you try to get it right, sometimes you do, sometimes you don't...it's never the same but it usually tastes good as long as you start with good ingredients. Right now I have some excellent ingredients! I have my family, some close friends here and I've met some really great people i'll probably never really meet face to face. We are all making a lovely pot of gumbo here...or to steal an idea from my new friend Eve...Stone Soup. We take what we're given and hope it's good.