Sunday, May 1, 2011
Dancing with myself...a mental road trip
I can feel the wind in my face, my friend is driving like a maniac! We'll have fun fun fun til her Mommy takes the Fairmont (Fairlane...nah not us!) away...
Drive through the projects singing Witchdoctor, how nouveau cool we are with cigarette holders and hounds-tooth mod dresses...tres chic!
We'd blow out cigarette smoke just to sing the line..."I see you through the smoky air, can't you feel the weight of my stare..." and make it be true!
She dropped an egg on the floor just to prove it was impossible to clean up of linoleum....
If even one of us had a fake Id we could have stayed...so we got one!
Why did we never do nefarious things back then...well aside from lurking outside the club I wasn't allowed in (Thanks Mom!)
Remember the night the car broke down on the expressway, we had the navy guys, the southside voyage and the cabbie on pot? I was sure we were going to die that night. Did we steal your brother's car??
How much alike and totally insane we were then, we hid our insanity from one another admirably even while summoning the dead on our Ouija board.
How could we have had so much in common yet never know it, we shared so much but not quite enough it seems to blend our loneliness and reach out to each other. I wonder how things would look today if we had had any sense back then?
Would we live in houses side by side on a street that bore the name of Sunnylane? Would our children chase storms and use EMF detectors together? Would cocktail hour start at 9am and run til 2am?? Would I wear party dresses too?
I always saw my emotional problems as a huge weakness when I was a teenager. I told no one what I was going through. Friends would share some of their problems with me, but I was ashamed to share mine. I think as teenagers we felt invincible and invisible all at once. We didn't share the real things in life because they were too raw. Now we are older and hide the real things under a rock, or cut ourselves off from the people who care the most. Maybe we feel embarrassed or our pain has forced us to protect ourselves. Whatever the cause, we've most likely all traded one set of issues for another. Our problems have become the baggage in our lives.
I think it's like shifting luggage...as teens if we had only lost the soft side suitcases or duffel bags with our best friends, would we now have a whole freaking matching set of crazy bags with hard sides in a vast array of colours hiding under our beds? Or would we be luggage free?
All those years we spent dancing with ourselves not even realizing we weren't alone in the room. If only we could have seen each other through the smoky air, it would have been just like heaven, and we'd have never had to walk alone...If I had the chance I'd ask the world to dance!
laptop today :-)