Saturday, March 12, 2011

Wow? Really? !

Have you ever been slapped in the face? I mean a really serious stinging slap that cut you to the quick, moreso because of the innate message behind it than the physical sensation itself? If so, then you're sure to understand this post.
I've been dealing with some physical and emotional issues. A "friend" was also dealing with issues. I thought I did and said all the 'right' things. At times it can be difficult to get over oneself and really sympathize when you're up to your neck (pun intended) with problems. I find it helps me get over myself if a friend leans on me. I felt useful, while at my most useless. I had been through very similar issues myself over the years, this "friend" asked for the benefit of my experience...i didn't foist it on her. Now the rub...we had been texting frequently then "friend" started avoiding me, text-wise. She started changing the conversation after she asked me how I was. I hadn't actually planned on really talking about it because I look fine, I work fine's just little annoying things, slowness, fatigue, weakness, spasms...etc,. She continued to ask so I relented and defined it. Then, total clam up! Finally I got the nerve; after round 300 of me supporting, and being blown off to ask if my condition made her uncomfortable. She said "yes, it's hard for me."...other words lost in the blur. What the heck!? Completely stung and taken aback. Like this isn't hard for me? I resolved to coat myself better next time....I am an idiot! Tonight it started again, with the dramatic neediness. I lost it and pointed out that recovery is for the strong, wallowing for the week. I wallow for an hour or so a day...I whine to a really awesome friend, and pray he knows he can gripe to me. After my allotted's over. I will probably always have some level of weakness, but so what? It's not how fast you get through life, but what you do while you're living it.

Yeah it's kind of whiney... .it was my hour! :-)

If I misspelled or left out words;
1.) It's a phone
2.) My hands don't always cooperate

Happy weekend :-)

*slightly altered to protect the innocent since this is pretty public

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