Giant Toddlers

I have a toddler.  He throws tantrums when he's told "no".  He gets very cranky when he's tired and starts arguing for no reason.  He insists he isn't tired when he so clearly is that it's hilarious.  There is always some strange food concoction that he's making.  I find a trail of messes in every room he enters.  There are leftover drink containers in his room and in strange places.  I find the oddest things he's written, drawn or done.  He argues incessantly and I swear half the time he's one step away from saying "give me some choices".  He listens to the worst music and swears it's great. He has a favorite pillow and blanket.  The toddler does strange things with bed linens.  He doesn't seem to understand the concept of keeping top sheets on a bed or putting the correct size sheet on a bed.  The toddler eats breakfast, lunch, dinner one and dinner two.  He drinks about 2 gallons of milk per week.  He also dresses funny.

I remember when Elmo's world used to soothe him into a gentle nap. I'd have an hour or two of peace and quiet from noon to 1 or 2.    I kind of wish he'd take a nap at a normal bedtime...say midnight?  Gee, midnight?  Isn't that a little late for a toddler to be heading to bed?  For toddlers of a certain age, yes, it is indeed very late for a 2 or 3 year old to head to bed.  When your toddler however is 16 years old, midnight is a pretty normal bedtime.  I used to think so at least.  If I can wrangle xbox controllers, phones, and soda cans out of his hands and order him to bed at 1:30 it's a lucky night/morning.  He's taken to watching netflix as he gently falls asleep on the game room floor.  The problem is the fact that he wakes up and keeps turning on new episodes of binge watch shows.  He usually doesn't fall asleep until sometime near 3 or 4 am...then he's a surly, snarcastic brat the rest of the day.  He manages to drag his carcass out of bed about 12-1pm.  Then declares himself starving. He has second dinner about 1 or 2 in the morning.

There are nights he's hanging on by a thread of sanity.  He will get so overtired that he starts arguing for the sake of arguing.  It all reminds me of the days when he's go running away screaming at the top of his lungs that he was tired and didn't want to take a nap.  He's using the same logic he used then.  during potty training he'd have a diaper so full he was bowlegged.  He'd then go running away screaming that he hadn't gone to the bathroom in his diaper or pull up.  I'd give chase, His 2-3 year old lies were so transparent.  Much like his 16 year old lies, they are pointless, they don't do anything to further him and they are usually pretty transparent.

I had a verbal exchange (can't even call it a conversation because there was no logic) with him a couple of days ago I could have sworn we had this same exchange when he was 3.  "Mom can I....?" ,  "No, you can't."  "But Why!?", "because I said you can't.", "BUT WHY",  "You know exactly why.  You didn't clean your room, you disobeyed, you were very argumentative.", "what if I do that now?", "No.  It's too late.  I already asked you to do it, but you refused." , "But why can't I go out?",  "I have already told you.  I am through with this discussion now.", "BUT WHY?!  It's not fair!" , "No, it isn't fair that you don't do what you are supposed to do then want favors.  I'm tired of this subject." ,  "You aren't even making any sense, me not doing my chores has no bearing on me not being able to go out.  Why can't I go?" , "Because I said no.", "But WHY?!", "because, because, because, because I said NO!", "those aren't reasons those are just words, You don't have any reasons you are just saying this because you KNEW I wanted to go out."......this just goes on.  Eventually the large toddler stomps off in a huff, begrudgingly does his chores, then shows up to apologize because, "I could hear myself being a jerk but I just couldn't stop."  Then the over tired toddler has a snack and a nap.

This is what 16 looks like in this house anyway. I don't remember being quite this irrational at 16, but I am a girl.  I remember questionable decisions at that age.  I remember that everything was "the worst thing in the world" or "the best thing in the world".  We were like  strange pendulums of emotion back then with teased hair, lots of hairspray and brightly colored hair.  I think teentoddlerism has been going on for years.  I just don't think anyone talks about it.

I may survive the terrible twos part two

I'm scared now......

Once again I have insomnia.  I am sitting here contemplating the fact that my baby is rapidly growing up.  I see before me a teenage young man who sometimes tries to cling to his childhood.  That childhood is evaporating before my eyes.  I still want to hold him, hug  him, kiss him and make it all better with a cookie or some cuddle time.  I can get away with a few of those things now still...but not with some of his friends around.  He has a few closer friends I can hug him and tell him I love him in the presence of these friends and they won't tease him.  Can you guess which friends I prefer?

I worry that maybe his toolbox isn't quite full.  He might not have a few tools he needs to avoid something that needs to be avoided.  Own up to inadequacies, then work to make things right.  He's a very smart, child/person/young man.  I worry that maybe we've all argued a bit too much, leaving him with a penchant for arguing and picking things apart until they are understood.  Arguing is a sword that cuts both ways.  Sometimes arguing is a good thing, sometimes it's bad.  I wonder what tools he will use to solve some problems.  Recently he was faced with two bad situations.  In both he took the honorable path.  He diffused talk of a fight with an email asking if they could keep it civil for the team and just agree not to be friends.  In another situation, after a break up (the girl's mother got involved and forced the break up) he immediately took the high road.  He looked at how the relationship had been going, he realized it was a toxic situation and felt a sense of normalcy returning.  About a week later the girl called with her mother's permission and told him they could go out again.  He said things were going too fast, he wanted to slow them down.  He asked if they could just be friends.  Despite name calling from the mother and an attempt to smear his name, he simply posted that there might be some lies going around about him and posted what happened.  That takes a lot of guts for a teenager in my opinion.

Sitting in the front seat, the passenger seat of our car, I look over at the young man piloting the car.  I still see my five year old and not my almost 15 year old.  He's so careful most of the time.  Other times I am concerned because the brake pedal on the passenger side doesn't seem to be working.  It seems impossible that he's this age.  That he can safely drive, merge, turn, signal, stop and all the other things he does.

I admire his empathy.  It's instinctive for him.  It seems that it was an intrinsic value wired into his little body.  He has always cared about people around him.  He naturally comforts those in pain or sadness.  He buys food for those in need, donates his own money and asks for more to put in boxes, buckets, cans or hands.  Once when he was 6 we found him outside a museum we were exiting signing up for a newsletter and giving the last of his spending money $20 to help the Sierra Club.  He did it without thinking or asking for extra money.  We later gave him extra spending money.  The thought that animals would lose their homes moved him.  Pain and suffering move him.  He sometimes causes pain, when he does it wounds him emotionally.  There are a few people he's shown empathy to who have met him with hostility.  He forgives but doesn't forget.  They don't get his empathy anymore unless something truly bad happens in their life.

I'm scared that my job is almost over it seems.  I wonder how long he will need me.  I hope my job performance review goes well as he starts his journey into high school.  I am scared that years will pass when he grows into his own life before he realizes I still love him and he will always be my baby.  I am scared that he won't give me a good review and will feel like I was a very bad Mother, who didn't fill his toolbox adequately.

I guess it boils down to....I'm scared.......