Me+today=sofa

Somewhere there has to be a balance. I didn't consider unloading/ loading a dishwasher, mild grocery shopping, fixing dinner, folding a few loads of laundry and slowly moseying a shade under a mile as...too much. Apparently it was too much. I have consumed enough water for 3 people since last night, my right arm is about as useful and lively as a pillow, (oh pillows are useful...and soft...so soft) and I am about as perky as a child doing chores. Fun times in our house! Can you stand the action?

Hopefully I figure out this balance soon. Really hope there's no juggling involved. I've never been coordinated, can't imagine it would start now....but if coordination suddenly does occur, I could really have fun! Walking, talking, chewing gum and texting all at the same time! I wouldn't use it for anything useful of course, no belated ballet career, painting, or juggling. Just normal nefarious activities, which I probably can already do reasonably well now. It would be nice to have more finesse so I didn't worry so much about being spotted while busying myself with non-criminal totally law abiding wholesome activities...like knitting and such....lol...snickering here....

I do wonder what really graceful people feel like when something changes that. My life isn't much affected by things, but how devastated would I be if I'd had to give up a career, or really alter my life...Thank God I'm a lazy klutz!

Posting from phone....(touch keyboard is the secret)

No good vibrations

No sweet sensations.....it was horribly, horrible in a horrid sort of way.  It could possibly have led to horrific experiences. 
I experienced my first run in with loud, penetrating bass vibrations on Friday.  I had experienced road trip jerky vibrations, steering wheel driving vibrations, shopping cart crippled wheel vibrations.....but not the deep soul modifying bass I met on Friday.  First, the service was AWESOME!  The music built and felt great, the bridge grew louder then launched into a new build.  The bass is the kind you FEEL inside you, it moves you.  Well I got moved, my right arm produced an impressive tremor.  My diaphragm then started the counterpoint with a lovely arpeggio of spasms.  Not to be out done by the smug upper regions, my sweet left leg decided to do the zombie shuffle.  Internal heater then informed me that we must surely be nearing the deepest reaches of the desert, now having clammy heat reaction." I just need air really!"  Neck not being noticed then decided to pull off a headache, also just for fun pull up some swelling in my throat.  Dinner suddenly became 2 pints of woodchuck/pecker cider.

I had really experienced all this stuff but on a smaller scale. I was totally unprepared for the "hot/cold vibrating vicki"  ride.
At the restaurant post service, we gathered around to gleefully watch the tremor arm in action!  Still working out the details of 'kill touch', 'oh no you ain't touch', 'no sass touch', and the super secret proto-type....'perfect child touch'  Post discussion we all got tanked and agreed that; "what good is having a perfectly acceptable disability if we can't make fun of it?"  Sadly I can NOT recarbonate beer at this point in my injury....perhaps later.

In essence...this Easter service was awesome! I was mush for a full day and still shaky, but hey....it was fun.!

Written on phone....yadayada spelling, yadayada rambling...hopefully we all know what I mean....drop me a note if you don't....Cheers for some, Happy Easter for others, Christos anesti for you,  love you all, no matter what this season says or does for you.  I am grateful for you all. 

The beans just burned

I tried following it, a recipe for baked beans. I make pretty good baked beans normally. I knew the recipe looked light on liquid, I also don't normally follow a recipe....two recipes for disaster already!!
I tried turning the pork chops into pulled pork...
It was even kind of funny, nothing working out quite right. It was up there with Monday's great bun fiasco.....Thousand Island does NOT fry like Mayo on a bun...it gets black and sticky. I tried something new and it didn't work...oh well. Move on. I was proud that I accomplished something today. I was looking forward to tomorrow's adventures.

I wasn't even that down on myself for the failed recipe and the tough pork until someone told me how well a;
"friend" healed from "this exact same surgery" "well it took a long time....6 weeks" "I bet you just feel great with this nice weather it must be so much easier for you, you sound good"

(can you hear me screaming?)

Then I just felt like an utter failure, can't do beans, can't do pork, can't sleep, can't even heal right!! Today seems fraught with trial and error. I keep "trying" to sleep, "trying" to heal, "trying" to not be a wet blanket.....nothing is working quite right.

I whined and got misty, I sat on the couch feeling like a loser....then I opened a couple cans of beans, I'm working again on the chunks of pork, I got mad, I got surly, but I'm working on it. I've never healed well, I knew that. Everyone who knows me knows that. My friends and family still seem to like me even if I go back and forth healing. It can also lead to some funny moments.

I'm actually really happy the friend healed so well and so fast...but the last thing a person needs to hear is how they "should be feeling" We're all different and life affects everyone differently. I have friends going through fusion now, or soon, a friend recently went through it...I'm thrilled to hear how well they are doing. I'm happy to share my experience and point out that I am not a good yardstick for healing.
I really hurts being compared with other people. That's my problem though and I'll figure out how to deal with it eventually. I think my emotions might be a little raw right now. It could be lack of sleep. It's hard not to compare ourselves to others, but I try to draw the line at comparing healings...it's just not wise.

So onward and upward...I'll get it together.

I'm using the big girl computer, but I still ramble don't I??

Neck Solstice

The 12 of this month, April, is the sixth month since my neck was 'normal'.  It's been a really long 6 months! I'm just over two months post op now. I can finally speak normally again, meaning I sound pretty much like me, it still tires easily. I can swallow normally. Again, my throat tires. I can feel the plate sometimes, other times no. When I get upset, it feels like my throat is closing. I'm still dealing with numbness, weakness, overwhelming fatigue, etc. 
It really isn't that bad. I've never been graceful, I've never had an awesome voice, I don't need lots of stamina.....plus I DON'T HAVE TO WEED!!!! This would all be really devastating had I been a dancer, singer, surgeon, or did fine hand work....but since my most technical moves are chopping onions It's good.  Having some energy would be nice.
Not sure what the next neck solstice will bring, but this one will be marked with a beer. I will probably also listen to some really uplifting music, The Cure, The Smiths, Depeche Mode....and wonder what would happen were they all to sing in a collaboration. 

So have a drink on April 12th move your neck, and put on a good song. Celebrate my solstice with me....lol
Hey Chumbawamba is good Tubthumping totally rocked!

Autofill...spelling...Thank you all for reading my ramblings.

Movie day

Fatigue seems to be a major player with me right now...so today I used my fatigue to my advantage. I introduced my husband to Victor/Victoria!! He'd never seen it! One of my favorite lines years ago when I first saw is was "Do your friends ever call you Vicki?' 'Only once!" I LOVED that line, of course that's when I was in my "I am Victoria, not Vicki" phase.

As long as I continue still feeling like a sack of potatoes I might guilt him in to Les Miserables, La Cage aux Folles, Moulin Rouge and possibly watching the Picture of Dorian Grey since he's never read it. I must also procure Rent so we can watch that too...I'd love to get him to watch Hair.

Thinking back, I am wondering if the only reason he like Victor/Victoria so much was Julie Andrews?!?!? Nah, he did laugh quite a bit.

If only I could find a good stage play of Steel Magnolias! If only I could stay awake during it!!

So, if anyone is reading this purely for the post surgery updates ( I know a few are). Today was one of those down days. Again, CCS is elusive. Feel fine lying down, ready to greet the day, get up...oh wow!! Sit right back down. I had a lot of trouble with full body weakness and fatigue today. I've begun noticing on bad days I need frequent carb infusions. It seems to help to have animal crackers, or saltines available. Peanut butter and celery are also life savers. I am 6 weeks post op. Most people have the collar off by now, not me. I have healing issues. I do take it off to do ROM exercises.

This past week was a setback, the week of the 7th I ended up with whiplash, the CCS was really bad. I got, more meds a week of bedrest and a more restrictive collar. I get to try moving my neck again next week. I go back to see my surgeon on the 11th to assess me then. I am aware lots of people take issue with over restriction, but this is how my body heals. I trust the way things are being handled.

Overall I am doing well neurologically. Still have the CCS, it will or won't go away in a year, it's all good!

...if any of you are preparing for; or healing from ACDF...each experience is vastly different. I am quite possibly a mutant and am rather ok with this designation.

sofa saga

It was a balmy night...Scott, Vicki and Mike were discussing a newly gained piece of furniture.... had a rather lively discussion...

Scott- "oh Vicki, you and Mike have acquired a new davenport i see"

Mike- "quite new in fact, why only today we've brought it home...great Scott! Scott we should place it inside our home!!"

Vicki- "I'll say! That's a rather splendid idea there Mike"

Scott- "perhaps we should imbibe in a wee dram of spirits before we begin?"

Vicki- " an altogether lovely idea, splendid! oh Scott, will you be so kind as to fire my fag, and yours?"

Scott- "absolutely Vicki! what a rollicking good time this is!"

Mike, Vicki and Scott all donned lift belts, planned all their moves well in advance, team lifted, and of course lifted with their knees in a carefully choreographed event. After the move was successfully completed they all rested upon the divan whilst discussing art and music theory. They laughed merrily all night and as the morning drew nigh....

What really happened...

It was another sweltering night in Florida, the Palmetto bugs were dive bombing Mike, Vicki and Scott...they had just brought home a second couch because Mike's parents gave it to them and were pretty well trashed...Vicki and Scott were smoking furiously. They were all singing somewhat discordantly and wondering if they had enough beer and smokes........

Vicki- hey Scott you want our old couch

Scott- sure man

Mike- alright lets get this one out and that one in

Vicki- wait what are we gonna do? which one first?

Scott- lets get this one out then that one in

Vicki- sounds good but lets smoke first...

Scott- yeah....hey can I have a cigarette?

Mike-you guys want another beer?

this goes on for a while....

we get the first couch out ok and the orange mushroom chairs...they sort of matched the brown mushroom sofa in a weird sort of psychedelic, kind of way...this furniture was last popular circa 1970.

Moving the new sofa in, we had to go over the deck railing because of the way the stairs angled. Scott was in the bed of the truck, I was on the ground (I have muscles!! really I do, or did) Mike was on the deck...we pass the sofa over, the bed wall of the truck, I steady it as it comes out then hand off to Mike, Scott passes the end out to me, I'm holding the end while Scott gets out of the truck bed ...Mike is walking backward to get inside, he trips over the door jamb...sofa tips and pivots on the deck railing fulcrum...all the weight transfers rapidly to me...I'm not that strong..sofa lands on my head...horrible crunch, nauseating pain, numbness, cussing, apology, really nauseated...guys check me for concussion, but none of us considers that my neck may have just been really screwed up.

I remember the next morning is pretty bad, but I just figured it was too much fun the night before, life goes on for the next 16 or so years....

and today we have 2-7 all in various states of herniation, at least one of them went in 2 different directions pressing on my spinal cord and peripheral nerves, 3 old compression fractures, bone spurs in both central canal and on foramin again pressing on nerves and spinal cord, ligament hypertrophy, retrolisthesis... neurologically I was showing hoffmann's sign, babinski reflex, hyper-reflexia, impaired tandem walk in other words..... ...a mess all rapidly leading to paralysis!

I've been fused, de-spurred and have central cord syndrome until it decides to go away or stay with me or whatever it decides to do...not so bad considering I waited so long. The cord syndrome is what's making life so much fun right now!! The zombie-like gait, shaking hands (looks like a coffee overdose), inability to type words the first time out...because my fingers don't respond well and end up confused...everything is slow. It's really all good considering I was staring down total paralysis...partial paralysis really isn't such a bad thing, just more inconvenient and comical...until the blues hit ....then I have only to remember how much fun we had that night

Sadly the couch is no longer with us, but it was for many years, I held my son on it, slept on it and loved dear couchy!

my funny friday

this was a copy over from fb...but I am sharing this post with ppl who aren't in the super secret club

2/25/11

My day was an epic comedy of errors...I'm still laughing or (was until my son got a D+ on a math test...)

...voice still out, swelling nasty, was going to stay in bed, Darlene came to yap with me..we planned a caper! Here goes...

Got dressed, can't raise arms to do a pony tail so i got stuck with pigtails to keep my hair from tangling in my velcro....made it down stairs mind only so muddled I need 3 trips to actually get socks...outfit...purple pigtails, maroon FSU shirt, jeans too big and rolled up...Doc Martens (of to a great lezstart)...hands really weak numb and shaking today...i was shaving raw chicken off a frozen breast for my kitty...right hand didn't work well, knife skidded into left thumb...didn't 'feel' the sharp but the stop was quite firm...the oh shit response hit about the same time as the fainting feeling...bled through the first bandaid...got butterfly and bandage...couldn't open them..so much blood...lol...get thumb bandaged (finally)...we get in car and i see the dropkicks CD...thinking yay Murphy's!!...empty!....so we rocked out to a Bryan Adams cd....we head out to Wally-world, to get a tape measure..I needed new pants and trying them on now is really hard, so i'm measuring them...leg clumsy today, tripped myself on way to sewing aisle, looked drunk ...in line buying tape...left thumb doesn't work now because of the bandage (cut is really deep) ....can't get money out of wallet...handed the cashier like $15 dollars because I couldn't unfold it...Darlene had to handle my money...right hand too uncoordinated to zip change purse, rescued again by Darlene (yes this is looking like a person shopping with their home health companion)...now we're shopping, i've been in a collar for MONTHS no one says anything or asks anything until today...through clever hand signs and my phone I communicate that there was a terrible accident on the way back to my home planet...one guy was really creepy and kept following me....I'm not sure but he seemed to be flirting, it just seemed off...other 2 ppl who ask are really nice :-)....a 20something hit on me too...(really boosted my ego)...now we decide we want a movie...still can't talk, Darlene's knee had swollen and she couldn't walk...I walked into the video store confident I would find Rent...i walked around with my notebook and pen until i found a store clerk, then passed notes...no rent...I'm laughing like an idiot right now as I type this...perhaps the best part was hanging prom dresses around Darlene's neck so we could pretend we were at prom together!! LOL Best day in a long time :-D

oh well

Things are really screwy right now...it seems like nothing is working quite the way it's supposed to. I feel like a yo-yo...up and down. Nothing is really registering up stairs...things physically aren't responding well...I have a major case of the blahs. I think this may have something to do with the newly cut thumb...(it's in a splint and typing is hard)....it just brings it all back and reminds me that this is going to be a lengthy recovery.

My voice is back....at least to a stage whisper volume. I find that now I can talk, I really don't feel like interacting. How weird is that?

It would be really nice if collars came in different colors

Apparently I CAN shut up

Yesterday in a bizarre salad and beer accident...my voice went. Since noon yesterday, I have been mute. This is the oddest thing yet.

I blame the spasms and the roughly 5 forkfuls of salad I got down. Definitely NOT the beer!

My special 'Mommy Power' is gone!...I can't nag my husband!! Seriously they both at totally separate times yesterday told me to "nod"! WTH?? I still can't nod :-) So as you can see I still have much work to do in training them.

I am really thankful for color note on my phone. I am also thankful for friends you meet in stores with excellent senses of humor. I am thankful for pens...and for everyone understanding my hands still aren't responding quickly so communication takes forever...or at least feels like it.

So day 2 has begun in muteland...mutant muteland? oh well!

Oh yeah...I'm also going insane with the muscle relaxers. I'm not always aware of 'what' I am doing. The drugs are getting to me, but it isn't pretty when I don't take them...so for now...insane and mute. Let's just hope the agoraphobia doesn't come back this time.

I'm told it's healing

I'm weird. Nothing ever quite goes the way it's supposed to. Years ago, I broke my ankle...it never disclosed on x-ray. Something should have told me something was wrong because it just never stopped hurting (echo the torn acl!)...I ignored it for years. One day about 5 years after I broke it, I mentioned it in passing to a surgeon I was seeing for a ganglion cyst in my hand, he took an x-ray...my talus had a dead spot. It was drilled, I spent 2 months in a wheel chair while my hand and ankle healed..or thought they healed. The hand ended up as exploration...seems he couldn't "find" the cyst! I was released as 'fixed'...gee it shouldn't still hurt, then spent the next year and a half with a cane and or a walking boot. I was taking classes at the time...half the class talked to me, and cheered when I finally wore 2 shoes to class, the other half avoided me...they thought I was an amputee because of the cane and the limp...

After a year and a half I swallowed my fear and saw another surgeon. He injected hylagen (sp) into my dodgy knee and then sent me for another MRI for the ankle. The first surgery had accomplished nothing! No healing, the attempt was to injure it and force it to re-vascularize...I am immune to healing.

During the awful black year and a half of shooting bone pains, limping, sleepless nights or nightmare filled nights...I had a recurring nightmare, my leg was amputated and I didn't care, losing it seemed like the only option. I didn't say it was a good option, it just seemed like a welcome idea. Looking back I realize the amputation dreams were me feeling divorced from that part of my body...it just wasn't healing...forward to just after surgery

I wake up to find out a dear friend's house in CA was in flames, and my leg 'felt funny'..the surgeon came in with his head hanging...he told me (still stoned from anesthesia mind you) 'It was worse than I thought when I got inside'...I thought my leg was gone! Then he told me...the dead bone was larger than the MRI showed, so he had to take longer and cut off the end of my tibia to prevent it's resting the in the dead slot... 4 months on crutches and in casts...it's fine 6 years out...

now I'm 'healing' again...only this time it's my neck...ACDF 5/6/7....still thinking of a name for the cadaver graft...

My neck is a nightmare!! At least I'm having blood filled dreams.....thinking bio mech tattoo

tomorrow I'll yap about how this happened...or the next day...but have no fear....I just can't shut up!!