Losing friends..oh my!

When I first started this blog I was a lot more diligent about posting.  I set up several pages and had some links to some really good places.  I had a link to a great place.  Apparelyzed.com.  We've recently learned that as of December 15th, all of that will be gone.  Apparelyzed simply will no longer be.  Thousands of pages of advice, posts, friends, posts from friends who'd moved on, and some no longer living.  All of it gone in the blink of an eye.

There was always a game to play, a post to groan over, a plot to be hatched and a friend to be made.  We were the school yard of misfits hanging by the swings or slides, we were the jocks and the preppy kids, we were the nerds.  We were the modern day Breakfast Club.  We were a bunch of unlikely people all blended together due to a common cause.  An injury bound us all regardless of how affected or unaffected we were by the injuries.  On that site we found others who could understand the complex feelings and thoughts we locked away inside.  With one or two words hundreds of people could read between the lines and know our hearts.

Sure, there are other sites out there dedicated to the same conditions, but no site will ever be like that site.  No friends will ever mesh the way many of us meshed there.  There were differences of opinion, we didn't see eye to eye, We often argued, sometimes it got nasty, but it was just something that happend in a family.  I felt a sense of community there that I've not found in any other place including groups I've started.  There was something about "that place" something about the people.  That site was a testament to our growth, it was a tissue for our tears, the popcorn for our laughter and hundreds of friends all waiting to give advice, a shoulder to cry on or a kick in the pants when needed.

A wonderful man, a very kind and generous man created that site out of nothing over 10 years ago.  He saw a need and without much, if any, question he jumped in and started filling that gap with his own emotional, physical and financial investments.  The place took an enormous amount of time and energy.  I could see in the 5 years I was there how much it was taking away from him and his enjoyment.  It was a labor of love.

There are times when all good things come to an end, it's sad this is one of those things, but that's the way life is.  It's a series of loves, losses and growth.  I've grown from my time there.  I've grown in ways I'd never imagined.  I know people now I never would have met before.  We've shared our details and have started to make our way in the world.  Our "Boss" has pushed us from the nest and we're hoping we soar.

Maybe one day another brave and kind soul will take a seed from one of us and create a new safe haven to shelter and nurture those who need community.  Maybe one day there will be others like us nurturing, wise cracking and loving each other in their own twisted ways.  Maybe one day we will see the new garden or the nest that will rise from the past and forge a new path.

I am thankful I had my time there, I am so grateful for the people I've met and bonded with.  I'm grateful for the brothers and sisters I've met, loved, lost and kept.  With rose tinted glasses I will look into the past and remember only the good times because what use do I have for bad times?  With rose tinted glasses I will greet the future, but I may move them aside for healthy skepticism and trolls....oh those trolls!!

Roses, blackberries, thistles and thorns

Life is like that.
There is always something worth finding even if you have to dig through a lot of  thorns to get there. 

I remember being a young girl and learning that sometimes you had to hurt to find fulfillment and joy.
I had never seen chestnuts in my life!  I was about 5 when i saw them.  Spikey, soft green balls.  They were so neat.  We climbed the chestnut trees and touched them.  As the season wore on, they started to feel firmer.  Some of them were used as baseballs.  We played with them.  The summer gave way to the fall and the soft yielding chestnuts were now brown, split open with an x at the top just daring us to open them.  My cousins showed me how.  I DO NOT recommend doing it in flip flops, jandals, zories, thongs, shower shoes..whatever you call them.  I also DO NOT recommend doing it in those nylon sided sneakers they had in the 70's.  But if you do, and you get stickers in you (you will) you will find 4 types of pleasure from the pain.  3 nuts...1 large in the center, 2 smaller ones flanking the larger one; and...the softest most velvety lining inside what my Mama called them cockleburs.  We ate them raw...I had never had a roasted chestnut until I moved away from my chestnut trees.  We had to fester a lot of them out with eggshell lining.  It hurt, but I looked forward to the sweet yellow chestnut meat every fall.

Blackberries.  The vines would wrap around my wrists as I reached in to pluck them from the vine.  They would leave tiny scratches and little hairlike thorns behind.  Blackberries are totally worth the pain!  Ours grew around a barbed wire fence...Mama called it bobwire.  I remember my cousins and I staying out picking black berries hiding in the trees just before they cut them down to make a road and build a new park down the street.  Sam Adkins Park in Blountstown, FL.  We would climb over or under the barbed wire fence.  It was rusty and we always got cut somehow.  We would play games about being lost in the wilderness and surviving on blackberries.  Nevermind the blood on our legs, arms, backs from the vines and the bobwire.  When they cut the trees down to make way for the road, we suddenly had pain-free access to the blackberries.  Really great, but not as much fun as pretending to be fugitives, or lost pioneers making our way in the wilderness.

Roses, for a short time I think there was a split rail fence portion in our yard with wild tea roses growing on it, like a small trellis.  If not that is a lovely idea.  I remember meeting tea roses.  Deceptive to a child used to seeing normal rose bushes with large scary thorns on them.  Tea roses or wild rose vines have these tiny little thorns too.  They get under your skin the minute you reach down to pick some for Mama or to smell them.  The smell of wild roses are another thing worth the pain.

Thistles..wow do they hurt when you pull them bare handed (I never claimed to be wise).  They also hurt when you go out barefoot to gather grass for your cat only to step on the thorns left behind when your wonderful son pulls them, drops the pulled weeds on the ground and walks away.  The thorns fall off when he finally drags himself over to them with a bag to throw them away.  The fallen thorns later bite you when you least expect it.  The beauty of thistles is the draw, and the color.  I've watched butter flies visit them, hummingbirds fiddle with them but the best was watching a pair of finches...male and female on the same thistle eating straight from the plant.  I love to see wildlife just being wild.  Not eating store bought bird seed, but visiting my thistle patch for the fresh seed.  We watched the male feed the female, we watched them flit from dead head to dead head.  I have other wild flowers in my yard.  I'm sure the neighbors love my yard.  The lawn Nazi's abound up here.  I don't care.  I'm not supposed to pull weeds.  After watching the wildlife visiting the wild flowers...I decided to let one small section of my yard go wild.  It's beautiful.  I don't care what the neighbors think, they just better leave my thistle patch alone.  My hurting feet were forgotten as I watched those birds feed.  The pain was worth it, if only to remind me to look at my thistles and enjoy their beauty and usefulness.

There are so many other things in our lives causing pain that we endure because it's worth it. I've learned a lot about pain in my life, physical and emotional.  Some wounds run deep but those memories are so dear and each one are treasures in themselves.  I spend a good deal of time in physical pain but life is worth it.  I would hate to see a life without pain because I really don't think the person would ever know true joy, love, happiness...they would only know one flat emotion.  I never appreciated the simple act of walking before, or cutting things.  I can appreciate those now.  The pain and confusion are worth it because they woke me up to the life around me.  The simple things I took for granted are now treasures.  While digging my way through my current patch of thorns I am learning how sweet sleep is and how I took it for granted, just assuming slumber will be there.  Finding it isn't the case, then having one good  night's sleep is worth it because it reminds me that I take so much for granted and I appreciate that rest so much more.

I hope you find lots of blackberries, finches, chestnuts and other treasures in your own briar patches.  

Family of wild flowers

“Bloom where you’re planted” (is a distillation of )1 Corinthians 7:7-24.  A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver, Proverbs 25:11 NIV

I have my own views on religion, but those verses have always had very special meaning for me religion aside.

In our lives we are born into a family.  Some people spend their lives living with or near a small family or a large extended family.  Some people retain strong connections with their families despite them being scattered about the globe, while others have loose connections or no connection.  Other people are abandoned and raised by an adoptive family.  Some never have any sort of family dynamic we can comprehend, like street people but they have their family nonetheless.

The family dynamic I am pondering is the created family.  I’ve gathered a family much as you would gather wild flowers. They are a beautiful arrangement in a favorite vase, proudly displayed.   Hopefully you also have a family like this; if not…you are woefully missing out!  I have a fine family.  We (husband and son aside) are scattered about, but do try to keep in touch.  There is nothing wrong with my Husband, Son, Sister, Mom, Uncles, Aunts, cousins…etc; but they aren’t my only family.

I started creating my own familial reality in elementary school when I proclaimed someone to be my long lost sister.  Over the years I’ve collected many wild sisters, brothers, cousins, aunts….etc.  I have a brother, a few cousins, a sister or two and surrogates for mom, uncles, aunts and grandparents.  I also have the family I’ve created with my husband son and cat.  The bonds I’ve formed with my gathered family mean a lot to me.  They have at times been my only tether to sanity.  They understand different facets of my life and have been there for me throughout various stages of my growth or regression.

I do love my natural family very much, but sometimes my family doesn’t always connect with me on the level a cobbled together family can.  I know my family has their core group of pseudo family also, so I won’t feel totally terrible if they read this.  They should know exactly what I mean.  I spend hours chatting with my brother/cousin (whatever) His place in my heart goes deeper than “just a friend”.  One of my sisters is around 10 years older.  My surrogate Mom never had any children, so I fill a need for her too.  I have others sisters and cousins all united for different reasons.  I truly love these people and if I were to lose them I would be devastated but eventually cope.  The void of their loss would be huge; their places could never truly be filled just like a natural family member passing away or becoming estranged.  The family I’ve created is as real to me as my own natural family.

In my cobbled together family we have each other’s backs, we defend one another, we support one another, we virtually hug each other.  When one of us is hurting we ache for them and do our best to support each other with comedy, prayers, sunny-funny stories, bad songs, dirty jokes, tears and hugs to the best of our ability.  My created family is also friends with my son and husband.  Transparency is important to me and I want them to know about my immediate family since they are now members of my family.

This brings me to why I started out my entry with a bible quote and a distillation of several verses.  We grow where we are planted.  Our roots reach down and find purchase in the soil.  Sometimes our seed gets carried far away from the garden of our natural family. When and where we land we reach out to find the plants nearest us in type or perhaps very opposite our type, we see eye to eye on some key points, those points bring them into our garden.  Perhaps my little seed is incorporated into their garden.  Some of my burgeoning family members are really not who you’d ever suspect I would have a thing in common with…but I still love those ornery uncles, the very liberal uncles, the wild and free sisters, the shy yet strong sisters, the strong intelligent brothers.  When things get low, and there are times that things do get low emotionally (son is 13 need I say more!), my wildflower family knows what I need to hear, not what I want to hear.  We are honest with each other and we help each other.  We give good and bad advice.  We don’t all see eye to eye on our decisions.   If my opinion is asked I will chime in as a good family member should, but I’m not offended if they don’t take my advice.  My apples may not be what they need right then, but maybe they will need them later. 

I hope this post makes sense…it’s a thank you to all my extended family…my family in many nations, my family I may never meet, my family who lifts me up when I am down…..my wonderful garden of family

Thank you all my lovely flowers!!  

xoxoxoxo