Giant Toddlers

I have a toddler.  He throws tantrums when he's told "no".  He gets very cranky when he's tired and starts arguing for no reason.  He insists he isn't tired when he so clearly is that it's hilarious.  There is always some strange food concoction that he's making.  I find a trail of messes in every room he enters.  There are leftover drink containers in his room and in strange places.  I find the oddest things he's written, drawn or done.  He argues incessantly and I swear half the time he's one step away from saying "give me some choices".  He listens to the worst music and swears it's great. He has a favorite pillow and blanket.  The toddler does strange things with bed linens.  He doesn't seem to understand the concept of keeping top sheets on a bed or putting the correct size sheet on a bed.  The toddler eats breakfast, lunch, dinner one and dinner two.  He drinks about 2 gallons of milk per week.  He also dresses funny.

I remember when Elmo's world used to soothe him into a gentle nap. I'd have an hour or two of peace and quiet from noon to 1 or 2.    I kind of wish he'd take a nap at a normal bedtime...say midnight?  Gee, midnight?  Isn't that a little late for a toddler to be heading to bed?  For toddlers of a certain age, yes, it is indeed very late for a 2 or 3 year old to head to bed.  When your toddler however is 16 years old, midnight is a pretty normal bedtime.  I used to think so at least.  If I can wrangle xbox controllers, phones, and soda cans out of his hands and order him to bed at 1:30 it's a lucky night/morning.  He's taken to watching netflix as he gently falls asleep on the game room floor.  The problem is the fact that he wakes up and keeps turning on new episodes of binge watch shows.  He usually doesn't fall asleep until sometime near 3 or 4 am...then he's a surly, snarcastic brat the rest of the day.  He manages to drag his carcass out of bed about 12-1pm.  Then declares himself starving. He has second dinner about 1 or 2 in the morning.

There are nights he's hanging on by a thread of sanity.  He will get so overtired that he starts arguing for the sake of arguing.  It all reminds me of the days when he's go running away screaming at the top of his lungs that he was tired and didn't want to take a nap.  He's using the same logic he used then.  during potty training he'd have a diaper so full he was bowlegged.  He'd then go running away screaming that he hadn't gone to the bathroom in his diaper or pull up.  I'd give chase, His 2-3 year old lies were so transparent.  Much like his 16 year old lies, they are pointless, they don't do anything to further him and they are usually pretty transparent.

I had a verbal exchange (can't even call it a conversation because there was no logic) with him a couple of days ago I could have sworn we had this same exchange when he was 3.  "Mom can I....?" ,  "No, you can't."  "But Why!?", "because I said you can't.", "BUT WHY",  "You know exactly why.  You didn't clean your room, you disobeyed, you were very argumentative.", "what if I do that now?", "No.  It's too late.  I already asked you to do it, but you refused." , "But why can't I go out?",  "I have already told you.  I am through with this discussion now.", "BUT WHY?!  It's not fair!" , "No, it isn't fair that you don't do what you are supposed to do then want favors.  I'm tired of this subject." ,  "You aren't even making any sense, me not doing my chores has no bearing on me not being able to go out.  Why can't I go?" , "Because I said no.", "But WHY?!", "because, because, because, because I said NO!", "those aren't reasons those are just words, You don't have any reasons you are just saying this because you KNEW I wanted to go out."......this just goes on.  Eventually the large toddler stomps off in a huff, begrudgingly does his chores, then shows up to apologize because, "I could hear myself being a jerk but I just couldn't stop."  Then the over tired toddler has a snack and a nap.

This is what 16 looks like in this house anyway. I don't remember being quite this irrational at 16, but I am a girl.  I remember questionable decisions at that age.  I remember that everything was "the worst thing in the world" or "the best thing in the world".  We were like  strange pendulums of emotion back then with teased hair, lots of hairspray and brightly colored hair.  I think teentoddlerism has been going on for years.  I just don't think anyone talks about it.

I may survive the terrible twos part two