Something moronic this way comes......

My son is playing his first year of high school football this fall.  He's excited to be working with past team mates from Jr. Football, he's excited to be working for the first time with friends of his who've played with other colors in Jr. Football (we have 6 colors).  Most of the boys are going through some early rivalries, working off testosterone on the field, name calling in disgust...which somehow leads to friendship and a bit of early camaraderie.  It looks like this is going to be a really exciting season for him providing he can keep his mind on his game and his school work.

One of the kids on the team is REALLY not cut out for football.  His parents are very much helicopter parenting.  If he turns or stops too quickly one of them is likely to wind up with a broken nose.  This kid's Mother was team mom in Jr. football....2 years ago!  Not 2 years, but one time...2 years ago.  She still wears that old team mom shirt to football events, she wore it last year.  In the code of team mom rules (unwritten) you only wear team mom shirts in public when you are that current year's team mom.  We have many unwritten team mom rules one of which includes drinking after the season is over.  I think I was a decent team mom when I did it.  Those shirts are retired for use outside the house.  I can wear them inside but only when doing something or as an undershirt.  To do otherwise would be so very uncouth, and just plain loserish.  I digress....

So the EX-team mom, walks over to the head coach for the freshman team demanding that her son be given a position.  WAKE UP CALL there are 70 kids on this team, many of them actually deserving of play time.  The coach had to yell at this boy already for being in the wrong stance repeatedly...not a little wrong, completely wrong stance.  Despite this repeated correction the coach humored the ill advised woman and put her son on the line. He kept him there for all of 2 plays then booted him.  The mother ACTUALLY told her son that "None of those people on the field is any better than you are!  You're the best you, you can be".  After I composed myself....I really did laugh a lot when my son relayed this story, I asked him if it was said in private.  Nope..out loud, in front of the entire team.  While this is apt advice in early childhood and when just learning, it must give way to reality at some point.  Once a kid is in his or her teens the life lessons need to take the place of mindless platitudes.  Reality needs to set in sooner rather than later.  Her wonderful lessons have led this 'can do no wrong child' to cheating in math class (he was caught by the teacher a few times) and dialing 911 on another kids cell then throwing it in a locker.  Because he's such a "good kid" the office refused to believe he had dialed 911.  The math teacher made him turn in his papers as is.  Redemption is possible.

This is the mentality spawning the trophies for breathing...most improved breather, most fresh breath, most improved breath..etc.  My son didn't like getting trophies for nothing.  I didn't like him getting trophies for nothing.  If this type of moronic mentality continues only morons will be breeding, spawning an entirely new moron race to fuel trophy, award, medal and plaque companies.

All of us do something moronic from time to time.  I embrace my moron tendencies....but I also would never undermine my son that way.  I am perfectly capable of undermining him in many other ways, but I draw the line at bolstering him with a false system of beliefs in himself.  Our family is proudly filled with morons capable of many moronic misdeeds on our own.  I can shake him up privately or call him a moron in front of his nearest friends.  To humiliate your teenage son and essentially say both to the coach and the child, { 'i have no faith in your ability to earn a spot son.  I also have no faith in you coach and your ability to read the players'}, I have no faith in either of you and only trust myself to run things is so not the way to start high school.

I really wish there were a quota of morons and acceptable levels of moron participation.  In order to do my part to keep the moron quota in check, I do NOT plan to join either the boosters or the PTO.  I can't feed into the morons who are on a power trip.  I will by not adding to the layer of stupidity.  I already know 2 of the other people running Boosters and PTO....the room is not big enough for all the egos that will be colliding.  If you see a supernova, someone may have ripped the ill advised team mom shirt from helicopter mom, or just told her she can't help.

That would be hysterical!