I am raising myself

I hear the sassing, whining, nasal snottiness and it's like I'm listening to 14 year old me.  I am positive I have written about this before.  I am also positive I was every bit as sassy and horrible as my son is.  I can hear me coming out of his mouth.  Not grown up me brimming with some wisdom, but horrible teenage me brimming with imagined logic and wisdom.  Kind of the way future me will be laughing at how ignorant and self important the now me is.

It still amazes me that I am alive at all.  The Grandmother curse is true.."I hope you have a child just like you"  My sassy brat thinks this would be just fine.  "Good! I hope I do, because I like me!"  I am glad he does because he is down a few fans in the form of parents at the moment.  Today was just so horrible it was comical.  6 separate times he was asked to put away his clothes.  Those are my emergency pants for summer, those are pants I might wear to school tomorrow, that's a shirt I might wear to school tomorrow (you wore it yesterday) ok then I might wear it the day after, those are socks I might wear tomorrow.  I can't put any of that awaaaaayyyy!!!  I NEEED a shower!  Don't you understand?  I DON'T NEED TO PUT ANY OF THIS AWAY!  You're such a jerk!!  No one asked you to do my laundry anyway!  I had clothes!!  This goes on in spurts from 2:40 until 8pm

Did you clean the litter box?  Yeeeesssss!  Gosh!  (I recleaned the litter box and left the non existent litter in a bag on the stairs) What's this??  (the litter you must have missed)  FINE!!!  2:45-2:50pm

Fortunately we didn't have any dishes to put away tonight I can't imagine where they would have ended up.  I have rewashed clean dishes because he didn't feel like putting them away, taken down dirty dishes he put away because he was "In a hurry because you're being so mean to me!!!"  usually about 45 minutes to put away a dishwasher load of dishes

I am wondering if I can plead some sort of insanity, perhaps sign myself into some treatment program.  I wonder if I could quickly become an alcoholic or drug addict for a brief stint in treatment?  The sad thing is..about 15 minutes after deciding running away or homicide might be a good idea...I no longer want to throttle him, but I find myself wanting to hold him and tell him I love him, then spend time with him.  Perhaps I really AM insane?  What sane person would want to hug this rapidly growing, teenager, sassy, annoying sometimes idiotic thing I live with?  I must be totally insane.  Nothing has taught me I'm insane any better than parenting has. There should be a parents only halfway house where we can run for a few hours a day or a week as need be.

I am going to kind of enjoy the day when my sweet little angel calls to tell me "I am ready to strangle this brat child of mine!  He REFUSES to put away his clothes!!  Gosh!"  I'm sure I will still be finding underwear he has hidden in various places throughout the house with him on the phone complaining about my darling, wonderful grand child who will of course do no wrong.....hahahahahahaha

I know my grandma is in heaven just LOVING this!