Ambien nights

Wow! All I can say is my friend must love me. She sent me a note...loved the message. I remembered writing but not exactly what I said, so I re-read it...I laughed so hard water came out of my nose. this is just a snippet;

Wevshouod trip feck those things making the trolleys go smooth ...wheels thatsit....right odd that mess......so...

I've most assuredly have been longing for the sight of you. The joyus memories anyone evervdared to do. So dear Patsy or Ed Reliving some misspent youth, sound fun....alternately a trip to Hawaii or somewhere...I'm stoned! Ambien.

Where did that come from?? I'm NOT even close to where people call shopping carts trolleys! I am really glad I only seem to "drunk text" people. In the beginning I had my husband hide the car keys. Now I'm wishing he had simply hidden the computer.

Now I can't stop laughing! Laughter is good for the soul and I really need to do more of it. I think we all do, especially at ourselves. Perhaps I should start blogging while on Ambien. I remember once YEARS ago I took Ambien. I called my Mom, to this day I have no idea what I said. Apparently it wasn't bad. She is still speaking to me.

I've had a really strange year and I swear I am never going to have another 40th birthday...once was enough for me! When my fictitious age hits 40, in another 20 years or so, I'll just skip to 41. Perhaps I will celebrate then with cupcakes and Ambien then text or call a few friends. (If I have any left by then) I also ended the note with a mistyped rendition of the philosopher's song, oddly enough I may have spelled it mostly right. So we'll celebrate my 41st birthday in 20 years with cupcakes, hard cider, ambien, and sing Monty Python songs while texting friends or walking down the street...who's in??

The Philosopher Song- Monty Python

Sycophants Sucking

Ever vacuous

Sucking

Seeping, oozing bleeding

Taking not giving unyielding vacuum mouths

Eyes

Minds souls

They suck so much

naughty or nice?

Starts out hard,

ends up soft.

Suck it,

lick it

Tease it

savor it

Spills its treasure

in my mouth

How I love you…….

Freezy pop

Objects in frames

The photo of my Grand parents on the mantle is a huge memory trigger for me.

The snapshot is of my grandparents, it is black and white in a silver brushed frame. They are smiling on a curved concrete bench looking so dapper and in love. The love on their faces is the timeless love. They look so young and pretty, the golden ones. They are in their early 30’s it appears. His legs are crossed, I can’t remember if hers are. His arm is carelessly resting on his knee, his smile so big and warm. She has a big, proud closed mouth smile, the, “I have a secret” smile. The faces are what hold me. I can almost see them looking back. I feel so close to them in that photo because the love is so strong from it. I think it would lose something in color, that spark would not be there.

My Mom found the photo in a box of old ones my Uncle took when my Grandma died. He took the majority of the old family photos, so this is an especially precious object. My Mom had copies made for us. I think this is the best gift I have ever received from her.

The day I got it was a dreary day, I opened the big envelope and out fell the bubble wrapped frame. I stared at it for a few seconds before I opened it. When I saw it my heart froze and I felt this enormous lump in my throat. I traced their faces and cried. Much as I am beginning to do now.

I look at the picture everyday and I feel them with me. I can almost hear their voices as I look at it. I am rather fond of Harry Potter and the picture conjures up images of the Mirror of Erised. I know they can’t see me, but it feels so real. I can see and hear them almost as if they were here. In that photo they are frozen in love and time. He never died too young and left her alone, she never died and left me alone. I wasn’t. My Mom wasn’t. My uncles weren’t. It was just them. They just were. They were how they should have always been, young and in love. It is a perfect moment of happiness captured forever in time.

I was totally lazy and copied this from a prior writing...more self plagiarism coming

Life it...keeps you moving

{ This is probably one of those posts where you almost have to know me for it to make sense.}

Life is like a box of chocolates…providing that box of chocolates is ex-lax…

I’m not saying life is $--t, but life is always moving; sometimes you appreciate the movement, sometimes you don’t but with ex-lax movement always happens! Life is like that too. Life also clears out the debris of the past and sends you rocketing into the present

Ok this analogy is just sounding gross…the main point is, most of us love chocolate. Chocolate by itself does nothing to aid us in life aside from giving us pleasure for a moment. Ex-lax on the other hand is veiled in it’s approach…sweet seductive chocolate…but it really packs a punch.

Life is beautiful and sweet, it holds such promise of love and joy. Most of the time life is just running along and we have to catch up. Sometimes things don’t run smoothly, things hit you out of left field, you get an overload and a back up of emotions. Then in comes the emotional box of ex-lax to the rescue giving you that extra dose of life to push you over the hurdle, or out the gate. Hopefully when life moves and gives us things we don’t want to deal with we have enough tissue to carry us through that particular stretch, and enough friends who can understand what the heck we’re saying!! Eventually the rough patch is over and we feel relief.

Oddly enough when life is running smoothly sometimes we miss those bad moments and need them to remind us we are all human and all in this together. I get awfully prissy at times (gee who me?) I don’t like to discuss private issues in the open (thus this really odd title and analogy this is something I would NEVER discuss in polite company)

I am trying to get over myself. I am in a strange spot right now. I need to let go and get over things. I need the emotional ex-lax to clear out the blockages I have around me. I am superficial…OK I admit it…I am totally superficial. My confidence has taken a major hit, my self esteem is really down and I feel completely insane. I know the emotional ex-lax that is the very essence of life itself will wipe this out. I know everything will be fine, but right now things are just really backed up. I haven’t always let go of things, or dealt with them. I’ve gotten better this past year, but it seems that each new month brings some new and humbling experience. The past several months life has taken me places I never thought I would be, things I never thought I would do, finally clearing away toxic friends…it’s just starting to clear. My biggest blockage it seems is me, but isn’t that generally the case? We are our own worst enemies, our own harshest critics and we just don’t let up on ourselves.

Fortunately I have Charmin…and good friends

On the upside…Life all along has taken me places I never thought I’d see, taught me things I never would have guessed, sent me into situations I never thought I’d be in, led me to some really amazing friends, I guess it’s all in the way you look at the chocolate you’re given.

Now if you didn’t think I was odd before SURELY you must now!?

Missed the Rapture...again

Firstly…I am a Christian.

Secondly...I do believe in a higher power, my beliefs are probably not mainstream.

Don’t come down too hard on me for my funny, blasphemous interpretation of my missed rapture. I will repent before the next rapture. Besides religion is a personal relationship…that said

I had no idea that God had phoned in the Rapture schedule! Did he run it by Jesus or was that not part of the plan…oh wait the bible DOES actually state that not even Jesus would know. So I can imagine the conversation now;

Creator of the universe-G

Rapture man-Harry

Jesus and G are sitting in heaven watching prayer channel television when they run across Harry fervently praying for guidance and wisdom. Things had been slow so G decides to phone prank Harry thinking that surely Harry will reference the Bible at least once….this time.

Scene fades in…Harry is sitting at his computer with his Bible holding his coffee cup and bowl of doritos, he is surrounded by stacks of paper, maps, charts many of them impressive pie renderings in colour!! Some bar graphs thrown in for good measure and a scatter chart for credibility… he drops his calculator and yells…

Harry- I know when the rapture is!!! Feb 30, 2984!!

G- psssst Harry

Harry- who said that??

G- pssst Harry

Harry- what?

G- the rapture is going to be ….(whispers to someone else, giggles) May 21, 2011 at 6pm

Harry- is this my neighbor?

G- no it isn’t…pssst Harry…don’t tell Jesus (giggles)

Harry- is this, is this G

G- yes…now I have spoken!! Tell people but not Jesus

Harry- hold on let me write this down…6pm May 21, 2011..ok..oh hey wait is that Eastern Pacific what zone

G- (whispering, giggling) ummm Pacific?

Harry- why can’t I tell Jesus?

G- (snickering) we want to see if his army is ready? Besides don’t question ME! Now hurry go tell EVERYONE!..just not Jesus

Sound of door slamming

Jesus- Dad…that was just mean! (J and G snicker together)

I was originally worried about the whole rapture thing…so many things were left to chance. Who would take care of my pets if they weren’t allowed in the rapture? How would I get out of the house if the roof, or other floors stopped me? What if I were driving? What if I missed the rapture but my friends didn’t, would they tease me? What if I got raptured before dinner was finished? Who would clean out the fridge on garbage day? What if I wore the same thing someone else did? Worse yet, what if I were in the shower during the rapture?

I am so glad to know I don’t have to worry about any of that! Although I’m not sure what to do with all the rapture welcome gifts I bought for all my dearly departed friends and family. I guess I’ll save them for the next rapture!

If this offended anyone…just breathe… I’ll roast and you won’t J

The Munchkins did it!

"Oh what a world, what a world...Who would have thought that some little girl like you could destroy my beautiful wickedness." -T.W.W.

Some days I just feel plain surly and really admire her highness of mean The Wicked Witch of the West. I'm not even sure she was really mean at heart, simply protective of her sister (no similarities intended dear little sis!) and the family belongings. I have not been wise enough to read the book, but I understand the original slippers were silver, not that it matters. The Witch deep down, I felt to be a caring soul. She wanted control over everything around her. Things were supposed to be nice, neat, organized and running smoothly.

She obviously gave the little Munchkins plenty of free time. It was evidenced in their elaborate song and dance number in the beginning. Having performed on stage there is NO WAY that song and dance number simply fell in to being. That would have taken so many hours to learn and rehearse. The fact that they ALL knew the song indicates to me that the Munchkins, (much like our own children) were well in to plans to off both sisters! The real tragedy is that somehow the Munchkins completely got away with planning at least one homicide! I postulate that they indeed planned two, judging by the glee with which they performed the unhappy funerary song "Ding Dong the Witch is Dead" ! What would happen today if a group of workers watched the boss get offed, 'accidentally of course' and cheerfully danced around singing? I suspect strongly that they would end up in jail and rather quickly. It was definitely premeditated.

Another thing...that storm! Rather convenient that an entire house comes flying out of nowhere to solve everything. How often have your problems magically vanished? How often have they been simply crushed and left you time to jump about and sing?

Glinda? Good? Really? Never once did she try to hang out with the so called Wicked Witch. They had no plans for tea. Glinda then stole the shoes right of The Wicked Witch of the East's feet?! How did she manage that one and get away with it? If The Wicked Witch of the West were truly evil she would have slapped Glinda for interfering, slain a Munchkin and possibly messed up Dorothy on top of it.

The Wicked Witch of the West (TWW) seriously has a bad reputation, but we don't really know why. We are told that she's wicked and Glinda is good. How can we make that decision? Furthermore if Glinda and her sister (whom we never actually meet in the movie) are so goody goody then why haven't they taken over OZ before they found some flummoxed, flunky to do it for them? I believe they are like the "popular" kids in school who get the funny looking (possibly green??? hmm) kids to do their homework for them thus freeing them up to party down!! Glinda probably wrote the Munchins the song along with her stuck up sister! Those Munchkins...! I swear they had to have an outside choreographer!!

I am still unsure as to how TWW had such a command of trees and winged monkeys. I have never seen a winged monkey but perhaps trees can talk. I've never been a tree so I don't know. I have observed a great many trees and never once noticed the gift for gab...I'm thinking maybe it was a spell.

In the end it all works out, but TWW dies? There must be balance always in the world for the world to exist. Where is the balance in OZ? Will one or two of the Munchkins step in to TWW's place?

All this stuff was probably answered in the books...I have to read those books.

This is delayed but R.I.P your wickedness is missed and needed...poor dear...

Uninspired Whining

I don’t really have anything to say today, but sometimes my sister gets grumpy if I don’t say something. My friend Eve can pull an awesome post out of her ear. With me, nothing of any import whatsoever possibly a made up word or two, maybe a lexicon journey, but nothing mind blowing. Here is my whine about whining…

My life is really good, family, and home, husband keeps me for some strange reason, son will eventually stick us in the worst nursing home on the face of the planet because we make him do chores and homework. My husband works and I get to do nothing aside from bad housekeeping and pretty descent cooking. My gentle corrections (nagging) have spurred him to greater cleanliness, less rude comments, reaching further than he planned, but still no dice on home repairs or griping among other things to impolite to mention. My gentle loving corrections have had no effect as yet on our son; aside from him actually knowing how electricity flows through a circuit I seem to have had no influence on him. Well maybe the whole cornbread in milk thing…but that’s it…ok so he also got my stubbornness, grace (hahahaha), messiness, awesome leg muscles, empathy and flair for drama. I think those are probably more genetic than learned, really hoping I’m not that dramatic anymore!

In short, I have nothing to complain about. My life is pretty perfect. Right now things are slow for me, but it’s just a thing. It’s a learning curve and I’m great. I feel sorry for people who have everything yet nothing….I always used this quote but I never knew who to attribute it to until recently;

“A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing” -Oscar Wilde

This quote is so apropos. It really disturbs me to see so many people caught up in the process of keeping up with the Joneses or looking for adventure in life only to pass it right by. People can tell you how much their motor home cost them, or how much a vacation is, or how much someone spent on this or that, but they can't see the inherent value in what costs nothing. Simply that is taking the time to treasure what you have. I've been looking at the ground lately, (really helps with walking) and I’ve seen so many things I would normally miss, a baby turtle about the size of a half dollar coin, raccoon footprints in concrete, ants massing over something indescribable on the ground, beds of clover, ground flowers, names in concrete…so much life happens all around us and we never even pay attention to the details. People gripe that life is boring, or they are unhappy where they are. Happy doesn’t just pop right out and slap you in the face. Happiness and satisfaction happen when you look at what you do have, not at what you wish you had. I have no reason to whine, sometimes I do, but then I try to get over myself. I am one of the luckiest people I know and I hope I never take it for granted. I might stare at the ground but it doesn’t mean I am down…I’m just looking for ants.

I think this post probably meandered about...I do that a lot, meander. It is after all uninspired whining ...

Oddities

If you leave a comment but it disappears, I had nothing to do with it.  Really.  I've just noticed my lovely sister's comments have disappeared!  My last post (an impressively fun run on sentence) also disappeared.  Must redo that for comma fun!

silly sentence

I am feeling really silly right now and wonder how long I can make a run on sentence yet still have it make sense, it should be a pretty simple thing for me to do, since I already do things stream of conscious when my mind is in overdrive, but I digress, I think I can figure this out and make a sentence at least a good confusing length without really overdoing it, wouldn't you think, I mean commas do cause you to pause and pause, that's really all they are for, so a sentence using many of them, though not correct in the syntax, or punctuational sense should work, at least I guess in theory it would, given it were kept on topic and easily enough followed, provided, of course it's at least partially grammatically correct, that might just be a possibility, writing a lengthy sentence yet having it be on topic but twisted, just enough to make it both fun to write and fun ( at least for me) to return to and read later, I wonder if I'll try it tonight?

Save some for later....

Save some for later, you never know when you might need it!

Don't eat it all in one setting.

Always have enough for company.

These are all sides to the same coin...perhaps a chaos theory 3 sided coin??

My grandma was born in 1915. She was born into hardworking coalmining stock. Times were hard. She quit school in 8^th grade so her sisters could finish. Her Mother passed her off as a sister so she could remarry, and my Grandma’s Dad called her “Pete” her name had not a single P in it so….no clue there! I’m sure my Mother can enlighten me. She was a trained nurse and was proud of it. She met my Grand Dad working in the local Scott store. The local news paper carried a story that”….popular with the boys, got married” What MY Grandma?? No clue on that, she was the most “proper” person I’ve EVER met. I learned from Mama…save some for later….

Onionteen (unguentine)- my Grandma died when I was 15…in ALL the years I lived with her…we had the same tube, we could only use it in dire emergencies because…”you don’t want you use it all you may need some later”

Baby Powder- “don’t use it all leave some for later” thus we had at least 5 partial containers when my Mom came to visit…holymotherofheaven!!! My Mom cleaned up the powder by combining it. I was certain we were all going to get sucked into the abyss…I had NEVER seen anything combined before!

Suntan lotion- “that’s expensive it came from Avon, save it for when you need it” We had 3 things of suntan goo…coppertone in the tub, we had to save that for when we were really going to be out. The orange, we had to save it because it was an orange shaped container, but we couldn’t save it empty…that would be wasteful. We also had some QT tan accelerator but we didn’t use that.

Perfume- we had the same bottle forever because Daddy gave it to her before he died…this I understand.

Blackberries- they moved from KY to FL. They were the last blackberries my Daddy (grand daddy) picked for her before he died…I understood it for a time, but she kept them 5 years. They got tossed out the year my Mom visited and combined the powder. Nearly killed my Grandma that year. Funny thing the blackberries grew across the road and it’s like Daddy was freed to live again (ok maudlin)

Soda- always offer someone the last of the soda….To this day I am forever offering someone the last sip of hot flat soda or beer. My husband would love this to stop. He assures me it isn’t hospitable at all, but rather rude.

Food-NEVER take the last OR the first of the food on a plate, table, tray, buffet…etc.

Dry goods- never finish the last of the cereal, flour, oatmeal, cornmeal etc…always save it until you go grocery shopping again even if it’s just a table spoon or two, because then you are never out!

Mercurochrome- “don’t use it except when you really need it! It’s hard to find!” It was literally ALL over in the 70’s and 80’s. Like the unguentine this too was similar to the oil in the lamp…it never ended! We had the same mercurochrome until the day she died. I have no idea how because once I painted a Barbie doll with it.

From all these caveats about saving for later…I never let a person leave hungry if I can help it. I don’t eat in front of people unless I have enough to share. I will offer the last sip of hot flat soda, but I don’t mean to be rude.

I have infected my husband with this odd behavior….I have partial bottles of spices that are as old as our marriage. I have soup mixes from years ago. We had our “emergency meat” lurking in the back of the freezer for YEARS, even after power outages. Sadly it didn’t sprout and grow a cow when we finally disposed of it. Oddly not even the starving strays in the neighborhood would touch it, kind of makes me glad we never had to use it. She taught me to hold on to things…I’m not as much of a pack rat as she was…I tend to hold on to people, places, memories….not so much meat anymore.

What did you learn from your Mama?

Mother's Day miracle

Wow! No arguing!! I could not believe it...two whole days with a minimum of whining! I thought that certainly this Mother's Day would be no different from the last 13...yeah our son is only 12 but from 99-11 is 13 in all. I was lying in bed this morning wondering when the arguing would start. When would the crying begin? How many times would I have to tell him to STOP being such a baby? Just suck it up and act your age! Quit picking fights! Every Mother's Day is usually marked with "Happy friggin Mother's Day to me!! I hate this day!!" Then I go away and hide until the bickering ends. I didn't have to call my husband down ONCE! ...or my son. Usually it's like I have two kids. One a surly pre-teen the other an annoying older brother! Fortheloveofheaven...no one...NO One....told me husbands reverted!! I have had to break up wrestling in grocery stores, "stop making fun of me" fights and "stop touching me" wars. I only have one child, or thought I did. I was terrified about this year. I'm more emotional and feel less mentally engaged. Kind of like fog brain.

Imagine my heart stopping surprise when.............

This morning all I heard were the sweet strains of "good morning" and "happy mother's day" as they presented me with my son's homemade raspberry muffins. We all ate in bed, drank coffee and talked about our plans. The guys walked to a farmer's market to get my knives sharpened and buy bread. I picked them up. We went to see Thor. I had popcorn. There were no dreaded heavy vibrations dominating the movie. We walked, shambled, around a boardwalk. We fed birds I rescued a baby turtle, we fed a muskrat. We came home and had the crock pot rabbit stew they made. We watched TV...I even took a nap! I don't nap because I am a really unpleasant person after a nap. Today I wasn't mean at all! I didn't even gripe much. HONESTLY! I only naffed a little, the sun was bright and they wouldn't stop to hold things so I could dig in my purse for my sunglasses after the movie. I wasn't even too shaky today, though an old lady got in a handrail war with me at the movie theater...I WAS there first and I really needed it more.

Yesterday was pretty perfect too. Great lacrosse game, they played hard but still lost. My son did an awesome job in goal and covering his guys. We had lunch with some dear friends. The margaritas were great! We came home, the guys loaded the canoe. They canoed, I sat on the beach and read. We came home, grilled out and I had more beer. I learned there is a very fine line in drinking with my cord injury. A certain amount of booze will help the vibrations to lessen and the tremors to slow...too much has the opposite effect. Now I need to test this line on a regular basis to find out just where it is!

So that was my Mother's Day miracle...it was perfect!!

I'll make a roux

I'm trying to hold this together. I think I do a reasonable job on most days. I did not do well today. I have felt really vibratey the past two days. for lack of a better description it feels like someone has hit a tuning fork, placed it on the base of my skull and left it vibrating. Today everything is just off. I didn't want to get out of bed because I was just so wiped out. I don't feel like I'm really "here' when this all happens. I feel like inside I'm on fast forward, my body is on slow, and the world is just spinning along. Ok, now that I sound completely insane....this is how I handled life today.

I made a roux. After I made the roux, I sat down. I got up and started to add things. I sat down. I chatted online for a while with a new group of friends. I am trying herbals (not pot!!) to calm down the hypersensitive feelings. I truly feel like I don't belong anywhere right now. I have a few people I trust to spend time with and that's it. I feel like crying and laughing all at the same time. I'm not sad, I just feel...different. My husband is going to read this and wonder "should I eat this gumbo? What did she put in here??" The gumbo is fine...I'm fine...I'm just working with the learning curve.

......2 days later, Ok...I forgot to add the okra to the pot of gumbo, the next day I resurrected the pot, added the okra and a few other things. I guess life is like a pot of gumbo, you try to get it right, sometimes you do, sometimes you don't...it's never the same but it usually tastes good as long as you start with good ingredients. Right now I have some excellent ingredients! I have my family, some close friends here and I've met some really great people i'll probably never really meet face to face. We are all making a lovely pot of gumbo here...or to steal an idea from my new friend Eve...Stone Soup. We take what we're given and hope it's good.

Happy days

Mama said what???

My Grandmother raised me. My Grandmother was from rural Kentucky. Kentuckians or at least my Grandma, have their own special language. For years I truly believed if I went outside in a storm, especially one with lightning, or if I sat in (not near or by..always in... even though it was in a chair near) a window during a storm, that I would die instantly. How would this occur you may ask...simple. I would be lexicuted. I also knew that I would die if I touched a cat during a thunderstorm (they always had to be put outside during storms) , used scissors, or sewed. How would this happen one wonders and why did the cats have to be outside? It would draw lightning to you; and of course lightning lexicutes you!

I would always be kittled, if you rode in a car over nails you got a flat tar.

In elementary school (moved to FL also noted for dialect issues) I would always be made fun of when I said certain words because the Kentucky accent never really left. Words pronounced Grandma style like home, phone, bone, tone had a slightly different inflection and a drawn out "eau" sound...kind of like, but not quite like, the word faux. Hauxm, Fauxn,Bauxn, Tauxn...just something you have to hear to believe. Also the fireman did not put out the fire. No sirree Bob! The farman put out the far on the far side of the mountain. It took me a while to understand dee and day. Examples of how this can happen you ask? Sure thing! It's Mondee, but we write it Monday; Sairdee, but we write it Saturday! So the days of the week are really....Mondee, T-yewsdee, Winsdee, Thursdee, Fridee, Sairdee and Sundee. All this was going on in my poor rattled elementary school-aged head. It was YEARS before I fully comprehended that lexicuting was electrocuting. I could spell electrocuting though! I wasn't really sure why we spelled the days of the week differently than we pronounced them either.

As far as countries go...Italy was Itlee, Mexico was MexEco, I'm sure there were other fun country pronunciations but I can't remember now.

Food was pretty normal...biscuits, gravy, cookies, puhtaytah (potato) chips, soda pop, tail toters (we didn't eat those) pulley bones, ribby back, little back, hoe cakes, johnny cake, corn pones, fried potatoes, sweet milk, light bread, oleemargerine, store bought cake, rashers of bacon, searal (cereal), pot liquor, pink gravy, red eye gravy, city ham, country ham, swish cheese, rocafort dressing, we had boh-wuhld aigs (boiled eggs)...we could never drink milk while eating fish cheese grits were even suspect....if you need an interpretation just ask; but not about the fish because I don't remember why. The ban was uneasily lifted when I kept coming home from school alive after eating fish sticks with cheese grits and drinking milk.

Dressing was always fun...When I was very young my shoes were brogans! I didn't wear jeans I wore blue jeans (no matter the color). There were pinafores, pants or britches, dickeys, T-shirt dresses, gauchos, culottes, saddle oxfords, sandals (with socks of course!) pantyhose, sup hose, petticoats, half slips, full slips, paten leather shoes (patent), high heeled shoes, tennis shoes or sneakers, moon boots, chukka boots, house shoes, pajahmas, night gowns, Sundee best, play clothes, school clothes, they were brassieres and never bras. We had anklets (ankle socks), knee socks or tube socks. We had drawers not panties.

For beauty and cleanliness there was rouge, face powder, cologne, sweet oil (ear cleaning olive oil), oil of olay (oh-wuhl is how you pronounce oil) toe nail polish, lip stick, Sairdee night baths and spit baths.

I miss mama! She put onion-teen ointmunt (unguentine ointment) on my burns, vicks salve on my chest, muhcureahcrome (mercurochrome) on my cuts, she festered out stickers with egg shell lining, drew pus sores to a head with a hot wash rag, and all colds were cured with hot toddies. When I was cold I had goose bumps, and if my skin was splotchy purple with cold it was pidey or all pidey lookin. (no clue!!)

I acted growney up, or sassy, or too big for my britches.

We had lighting bugs, we cut the grass, there were piss ants, sugar ants, far ants...ants were ants but our Aunts were aints. Aint Sally, Aint Lil (leah...again no clue)

We got to it dreckly (directly) things were over yonder, way over yonder, way way over yonder or not far. God was in heaven, the Devil was in hell and I had no idea who Satan was.

I still say things funny!!!

But I am alive because I was never lexicuted, not even once even though our cats stay inside!

spelling....hands...you know

Dancing with myself...a mental road trip

I can feel the wind in my face, my friend is driving like a maniac! We'll have fun fun fun til her Mommy takes the Fairmont (Fairlane...nah not us!) away...

Drive through the projects singing Witchdoctor, how nouveau cool we are with cigarette holders and hounds-tooth mod dresses...tres chic!

We'd blow out cigarette smoke just to sing the line..."I see you through the smoky air, can't you feel the weight of my stare..." and make it be true!

She dropped an egg on the floor just to prove it was impossible to clean up of linoleum....

If even one of us had a fake Id we could have stayed...so we got one!

Why did we never do nefarious things back then...well aside from lurking outside the club I wasn't allowed in (Thanks Mom!)

Remember the night the car broke down on the expressway, we had the navy guys, the southside voyage and the cabbie on pot? I was sure we were going to die that night. Did we steal your brother's car??

How much alike and totally insane we were then, we hid our insanity from one another admirably even while summoning the dead on our Ouija board.

How could we have had so much in common yet never know it, we shared so much but not quite enough it seems to blend our loneliness and reach out to each other. I wonder how things would look today if we had had any sense back then?

Would we live in houses side by side on a street that bore the name of Sunnylane? Would our children chase storms and use EMF detectors together? Would cocktail hour start at 9am and run til 2am?? Would I wear party dresses too?

I always saw my emotional problems as a huge weakness when I was a teenager. I told no one what I was going through. Friends would share some of their problems with me, but I was ashamed to share mine. I think as teenagers we felt invincible and invisible all at once. We didn't share the real things in life because they were too raw. Now we are older and hide the real things under a rock, or cut ourselves off from the people who care the most. Maybe we feel embarrassed or our pain has forced us to protect ourselves. Whatever the cause, we've most likely all traded one set of issues for another. Our problems have become the baggage in our lives.

I think it's like shifting luggage...as teens if we had only lost the soft side suitcases or duffel bags with our best friends, would we now have a whole freaking matching set of crazy bags with hard sides in a vast array of colours hiding under our beds? Or would we be luggage free?

All those years we spent dancing with ourselves not even realizing we weren't alone in the room. If only we could have seen each other through the smoky air, it would have been just like heaven, and we'd have never had to walk alone...If I had the chance I'd ask the world to dance!

laptop today :-)